The Hawk's Eyes
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: Warning: Angst, drama, attempted suicide, drug usage, kidnapping, rape, prostitution and short people abound. Nonexplicit. ROYAI!
1. Unrequited Love?

Dear Faithful Readers, This is the first chapter of a story that began as a oneshot but got too long, I reckon. Something around ten, eleven pages and nowhere near done. So I thought I'd make a fic of it. My first in what will probably be a long line of fics for my new favourite pairing. ROYRIZA!!! Xx-Bex-xX Chapter 1 

"Taisa, what do you think you're doing now?" came Riza Hawkeye's vaguely annoyed voice as she watched the colonel play with something under his desk- blatantly ignoring the stacks of paperwork piled on _top_.

"Paper airplane," said Roy simply.

"Taisa, we're the only ones left working already- shouldn't you hurry and finish up soon?"

"I never asked you to wait for me, Hawkeye."

Riza shrugged. She had never questioned the nature of her relationship with Colonel Roy Mustang- he slacked off and she waited for him to finish. Who would if she didn't?

"If I leave," she said, "you'll never get it done. Some people just need an extra kick in the pants, right? Or a bullet in the head, in your case…" she tapped the gun in her holster pointedly and Roy disposed of the paper airplane.

Riza had set herself up a smaller desk in the corner of his office, by the door. It suited her just fine there, but some thought it a little odd how close to stuck to Roy. She called it duty, he called it the only reason he was still sane.

"True," said Roy, "but I'd prefer the kick in the pants."

"Which is exactly why you are so very close to the bullet in the head- now eyes on your work, Taisa."

"Aren't I supposed to be the boss?"

"You lack the mental capacity, Taisa."

"Also true…"

Riza stood up and walking over, tapping the foremost of the papers before him, "working now, Taisa."

"How do you manage it, Hawkeye?" sighed Roy, ignoring her request.

"Not working, Taisa."

Roy leaned back in his chair, "I'm bored," he stated.

"And I am _this close_ to shooting you in the head, Taisa."

A few moments passed in silence and Riza returned to her desk, taking out a pocket-sized, leather-bound book and opening it to her mark.

"What are you reading?" asked Roy, looking up.

"Need I yet again remind you of your work, Taisa?"

"No…"

"Then I'll show you when you're done- consider it a reward."

Roy took a moment to study his pile critically before shaking his head and standing up, "show me first."

Still reading the book in her lap, Riza flipped her gun out lazily as he approached and Roy was forced to walk back to his desk, head hanging foolishly.

"Okay, okay, okay," he said, sighing, "paperwork…" his eyes drifted back over to Riza, who looked up sharply.

"Taisa-"

"Yeah, I got it! I'm working! I'm just… looking for inspiration!"

"Taisa, all you've got to do is sign the damn thing," Riza sighed, putting her book down and standing over by his desk once again. "Look, signature here, there, there, circle that, colour this bubble, initial here, signature there. That's the first one."

Roy followed her hasty instructions as well as he could and held it out at arms length when he was done, seeming proud.

"There's a lot more where that came from, Taisa," Riza reminded him and he sighed, putting his one finished paper to the side and picking up another.

This process took them through the next two hours, but finally they were done.

"Wanna go somewhere?" asked Roy, looking down at his papers as he shuffled them nervously.

"Home?" said Riza.

"With me?"

Riza shook her head and turned around, "no," she said to the wall, "it's already late."

She began to leave, but Roy called her back, "please, Riza?"

She froze where she stood, "Hawkeye," she told him. "It's Lieutenant Hawkeye."

Roy set his paperwork down and appeared at her side, grinning, "so, Riza, where to?"

"Hawkeye," she said again, "and I don't know about you, but I'm going home."

"Then so am I," said Roy brightly.

Having no intention of letting Colonel Roy Mustang anywhere within three miles of her home, Riza huffed slightly, "where do _you_ want to go?" she sighed.

Roy grinned and locked to door behind them both, "I was thinking of this nice little-"

"No bars, clubs, loud parties-" Roy stopped Riza as she ticked the no-goes off her fingers loudly.

"-Restaurant," he said firmly.

Riza blinked.

"I may be a prick," said Roy, noting the surprise on her face smugly, "but I'm a romantic prick."

_**Romantic **__prick…_

That's when it struck Riza that this was beginning to sound a little too much like a date… not that she wasn't attracted to him- because she was. It was him being attracted to her that she was worried about. Because as soon as a guy like Roy Mustang figures out that you like them, there's only one possible outcome…

She lived for him, breathed for him and kept going every day just to fulfil her promise to help him climb to the top- to become Fuhrer… but she couldn't love him. She could never love him.

She might have tried to leave if it weren't for his arm still linked with hers, yet something compelled her to stay. After all, what army dog didn't fancy a little danger from time to time?

"Okay, then…"

"Riza's such a pretty name," said Roy as they left and she had an odd feeling that he wasn't just saying it to annoy her, but actually meant it.

Her tone more soft than snappish for once, she sighed again, "I would prefer you to call me Hawkeye, or Lieutenant, Taisa."

"I would prefer you to call me Roy," he rebutted and she was silent.

"It just isn't fitting," she said after a while. "Why am I even here, anyway?"

"Because I insisted," said Roy, "and you know you can resist me."

Riza rolled her eyes and folded her jacket over her arm as they entered the restaurant. Sitting down as Roy pulled her chair out for her, she reached for the menu and chose something at random, wanting to get the evening over as quickly as possible.

They ordered the food and Roy leaned across the table slightly to talk to her, "so, how have you been, Riza?"

"The same as always, Taisa- nothing ever seems to change around here."

"Maybe we should change _that_," said Roy but he refused to elaborate. Instead, he touched upon a new topic, her health. "You must get so tired always waiting around for me, Riza."

Riza just shook her head, staring at her hands.

"Is something wrong?"

"I've said it before, Taisa. I am not comfortable with you calling me by my first name."

"Why?"

"I… we…"

"We're friends, aren't we?" asked Roy, touching the hand she was resting on the table.

Riza jerked her hand back, "Taisa, I am your lieutenant," she said sternly.

"True, Riza, you are. But you are also a woman."

Blushing, Riza turned her face away and screwed up the cloth napkin in her lap nervously. When she looked up, she was smiling a little, "I had forgotten."

Roy smiled too, "I never could. You're so beautiful…"

"Stop it," said Riza, looking away again. "Stop making me blush, I hate it."

"I think it's sweet."

"_Taisa!_" she sighed in exasperation, a hand on her burning cheek.

"_Riza!_" he retaliated mockingly and oddly, she found that it no longer bothered her.

"Roy," she said very softly.

"Riza," the way he said her name… much softer now- she loved everything about it.

He made her feel like a normal person- a normal _woman_- beautiful…

She reached her right hand across the table shyly and he covered it with his, eyes locked on hers. He opened his mouth slightly and Riza rolled her bottom lip into her mouth anxiously… then the food came and he let go of her hand quickly, the intensity of the moment gone.

They ate in moderate silence, Riza scolding herself silently the whole way through and when they were done, she couldn't wait to get away, but Roy insisted on walking her home.

She paused at the door to her apartment and realised that she'd left her keys at the office. Swearing loudly, she leaned against the doorframe a moment before knocking and yelling inside to Black Hayate- not that he knew how to let her in, but it was worth a shot.

"The office will be locked now, Riza," said Roy as she began to pace quickly, still yelling to Hayate, "you'll have to come home with me."

Riza, in no position to refuse, sighed deeply, "I suppose I have no choice."

"None at all," Roy agreed, grinning.

Roy's home was much different from hers. It was a large house, as opposed to her small apartment and had a much more personal feel to it. The house had belonged to his family for years, but he had only recently come into possession of it, following the death of a great uncle he'd never had the pleasure of meeting. Needless to say, the house had many spare rooms, but Riza, knowing she would only get lost if she went further, took the one closest to the stairwell, that happened to belong to Roy.

Shrugging it off, Roy bid her goodnight and went to sleep in one of the guest rooms himself.

Opening the door, Riza was suddenly very tired and if it were not for a certain something catching her eye as she flopped down into bed, she might have been asleep almost instantly. As it was, however, she now doubted that she would get to sleep at all.

That 'certain something' was a picture on his nightstand, taken of Roy and herself, standing dress-up in rather amusing costumes, side by side, and seemed to have been cut out of a larger photo of Hughes and Gracia's Halloween party last year. The fact that the two of them were the only ones in the clipped photo unnerved her.

Drawing strength from her curiosity, Riza stood up again and took a closer look around Roy's bedroom. A dartboard was pinned to the back of his door under a sign reading "Grievances". Several targets with small pictures on them were set up over the span of the board. There were a couple of targets with images of paperwork, a few with his friends (with varying amounts of damage from the darts) and the bullseye was a love-heart. It had the most holes of all.

Riza searched the board for her pictures, curious to see how many times Roy had struck her image in his frustration, but found that her picture was absent, even though his own was present (and fairly mutilated.) Then, blinking tiredly, her eyes fell on the love-heart target again and she unpegged it, turning it over to find a single name written in gold pen on the red cardboard.

_Riza Hawkeye_.

She gasped softly and only just managed to pin the target back up before scampering into bed as she heard footsteps, closing her eyes and pretending to be asleep.

The door creaked as it opened and she heard the footsteps grow louder, then stop. She felt Roy's hand on her cheek and fought away the blush that she knew was coming.

"Goodnight, Riza," he said softly.

Riza kept her eyes shut and her mouth a straight line determinedly.

There was silence for a few moments more, then she felt the slightest pressure against her lips and heard him leave.

As soon as the door closed, she sat bolt upright in bed, touching a hand to her lips in horror, "no…" she whispered, "he can't…?"


	2. Anticonformity

Chapter 2 

As predicted, Riza was unable to fall asleep until the early hours of the morning, not long before Roy woke her to get ready at six.

Smoothing out her crumpled uniform and straightening her hair, she nodded, ready to leave.

"Don't you want to take a shower?" asked Roy, surprised.

"I'll live," said Riza, unable to bear the thought of being uncovered in the same state, let alone house, as him.

"You sure? I won't be anywhere nearby if that's what you're worried about?"

"Well…"

Roy grinned, nodding, "I'll tell you what- since I can't cook worth shit, I'll go and get us something for breakfast from the bakery, okay? That should give you enough time to shower and get dressed in peace."

Riza caved, "alright then."

"Anything in particular you want?"

"Food?" Riza suggested and Roy rolled his eyes.

"Right, well, I guess I'm choosing," he planted a quick kiss on her neck and left.

Waiting until she heard the front door shut downstairs, Riza found herself a towel and went into the bathroom.

No sooner than she had stepped out, five short minutes later, she heard a knock at the door. Knowing that Roy had taken the taken the keys, Riza pulled her uniform on quickly and rested a hand on her holster defensively as she went to answer it.

"Lieutenant?!"

Riza contemplated the shocked look on Havoc's face in some confusion, then it hit her. She was answer her superior's door in the early hours of the morning with her uniform in something of a state and her hair wet. It wasn't hard for him to come to the conclusion that she had stayed the night.

Fighting to keep herself from blushing, Riza stood her ground, "may I help Havoc?" her voice was cold and he stepped back a little.

"I… uhm… no… it's just that… I always drive the Colonel to work right about now," was Second Lieutenant Havoc's stammered reply.

"Well he left to get breakfast while I was in the shower," said Riza casually, then winced at how it must sound. "Just come in."

Havoc followed her into the sitting room and they sat on opposite ends of the couch. Riza stared at the blank TV determinedly but Havoc's curiosity got the better of him.

"So, Riza… you and Roy…?"

"It's _Lieutenant_," Riza snapped, glaring at him, "and no, we're not."

"Wanna explain then?" despite Riza's death glare, he was still grinning.

"He walked me home after dinner and I realised that I'd forgotten my keys at the office so he offered to let me stay in a _guest room_- nothing happened," Riza huffed.

"You went out to dinner with him?" said Havoc, and his amusement enraged her.

"I was practically dragged there!"

"Dragged like how?"

Riza clicked the safety hold off her gun threateningly, "one more comment like that, Havoc, and I'll-"

"Havoc, what have you done now?" Roy chuckled from the doorway.

"I didn't do anything!" Havoc protested. "You know what she's like!!!"

Roy just laughed, "now, whose side to take…" he pondered, mock thoughtfully as he set the bag from the bakery down on the coffee table. "Sorry, Havoc, but I think I trust Riza a little more than you. After all, most women dislike you."

"Taisa," said Riza warningly.

"What now?! I'm taking your side this time, Riza!"

"Don't call me that."

"What, so we're no longer on a first name basis?" said Roy, seeming amused.

Havoc burst out laughing.

"Do not forget, Taisa. I am your Lieutenant and that is how you will refer to me,"

"_My _Lieutenant," said Roy, slinging an arm around Riza's shoulders as she stood, "I like the sound of that."

"Must you make such a big deal out of everything, Taisa?"

"But of course."

Riza rolled her eyes and shoved him away gently, taking a croissant out of the brown paper bag and taking a bite- not expecting the warm melted chocolate that spilled into her mouth, "Taisa, what is this?"

"It's a chocolate croissant," said Roy, as though it were obvious and Havoc started laughing again.

"A _chocolate_ croissant?"

"You've never had one before?!" Havoc almost fell out of his chair in horror.

"No," said Riza sharply, "I haven't."

"Obviously! You're letting it run down your chin!"

Riza moved to wipe it away, embarrassed, but Roy restrained her and leaned forward to lick the chocolate from her face himself.

"Taisa!" she exclaimed when he let her go, falling back a few steps.

"Now _that_ is funny!" Havoc spluttered.

"Mmm chocolate… and Riza," said Roy, chuckling.

A bullet sailed past Roy's head an embedded it in his wall, "with all due respect, Taisa, _shut the fuck up!_"

"We should be going now," said Havoc, between giant rumbling laughs.

"Let's just let Riza pull herself together first," said Roy, glancing in amusement at Riza, who had put down her croissant and turned her back to them both, the gun firmly clasped in her hands.

"You can't do that," she was muttering, "it's not allowed."

Roy came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck gently.

She spun around furiously, "Roy! Just because every other woman is falling over her feet to get at you doesn't mean you have a snowball's chance in Hell at _me!_"

Roy drew away but Havoc only snickered.

"What's so _funny_?!"

Havoc grinned, also standing, "you called him 'Roy'."

A deep blush spread over Riza's cheeks, "let's just go! We're late enough as it is!"

Oddly enough, neither of two men protested.

-

"Taisa, your work," Riza reminded him boredly as the day went on.

He had abandoned his paper airplane and found himself a new distraction. Her. Staring at her, talking to her, thinking about her. It had become almost an obsession.

"I don't want to think about work right now, Riza."

"Taisa, need I remind you of the nature of our relationship?"

"You didn't mind last night," said Roy, raising an eyebrow.

"You make it sound like something happened," said Riza, disgusted, before adding, "and, by the way, I did mind."

"Only when Havoc was around," Roy pointed out, "and now," he gestured to the empty office, "we are alone."

"I am your Lieutenant, Taisa, not one of your sluts. Now get to work."

"I know you, Riza. And you know me- I will not give up easily," he rose from his seat to come to stand behind her, a hand on her shoulder as she worked.

"Nor will I, Taisa," said Riza, not looking at him. "Now, please, your work?"

"I can make you happy."

Riza blinked away her surprise, there was just something about the way he said it… something that claimed more than lust on his part. Something strong and eternal… something that made her wonder if he _knew_ just how much she cared for him. Happy… it seemed the only word for it. Just seeing him made her smile.

"I will be happy if you continue your work, Taisa," said Riza, when she trusted herself to speak.

"Party Pooper."

"Don't you forget it, Taisa."


	3. Loving You

Chapter 3 

Normality was a relative term with Colonel Mustang and his subordinates, but the next few days passed as predictably as could be expected. Roy continued his playful banter with Riza and called her by her first name once and a while, letting her grow used to it so that she hardly noticed.

…But of course, as soon as the discomfort wore of, it was replaced with something much worse…

"Riza, come over here and tell me what you think of this report."

Riza nodded obligingly, paying no mind to the dozens of butterflies that now sprung up in her gut when he said her name, "yes, of course, Taisa."

"Well? What do you make of it?"

"It is simple, Taisa, the woman was molested-"

"But the man claims to have been romantically involved with her," said Roy.

"What difference does it make?" asked Riza, "rape is rape and this is rape and _murder_."

"It might not have been him- have the test results come in yet?"

"Not yet, Taisa."

"Pity… what is the suspect's plea?"

"Innocent, Taisa."

"But you think otherwise?"

"I do, Taisa."

Roy seemed pained by her repeated use of his title, "please don't call me that, Riza."

"You are my superior officer, Taisa. I must," she said, then added offhandedly, "and you mustn't call me Riza, either."

"It is after hours, _Lieutenant-_" he paused, noting her slight shift as he addressed her by title. "You didn't like it, did you?" he asked, raising an amused eyebrow all of a sudden, "you prefer when I call you Riza."

"For your own sake, Taisa, I must insist-"

"You're not answering my question, _Lieutenant_. I didn't ask you whether or not it was proper- I just wanted to know if you liked it."

Riza sighed softly, "It feels good, I suppose. I like knowing that I have at least one true friend in world… so, yes, Taisa, I do."

Roy grinned at her widely, "now was that so hard?!"

"It was excruciating, Taisa."

"Riza, won't you call me Roy? I hate the title more than you do."

"But Taisa… _Roy… _it's not… there are rules- standards… if your superiors think even for a moment that our relationship is anything more than professional it would land us in serious trouble- you must forget you ever learned my name."

"No."

"Taisa-"

"I love you, Riza."

Riza's eyes drifted back to her desk longingly, "please don't, Taisa…"

"I've always loved you."

Riza's eyes hardened slightly and she turned, crossing the room to pick her remaining paperwork up from her desk, taking in a deep shuddering breath.

"Riza?"

"_Don't call me that!"_ She turned around furiously and Roy could see that she had tears in her eyes.

"Oh God, don't cry, Riza!"

"_I'm not crying!"_

Roy walked over to her side quickly and put his right hand on her left shoulder, holding her there at arms length, "you are crying," he informed her. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong? _This_ is wrong!" she shook his hand off her shoulder angrily, "I won't let you treat me this way! It's harassment!"

The words hit Roy like a tonne of bricks and he dropped his hand from her shoulder as though it were on fire, "forgive me," he said softly.

Riza just turned on her heel and walked away. Still in shock, Roy didn't think to call her back.

Then again, he always thought that she'd return the next day.

-

"Hey, Fuery- you seen Riza?" asked Roy as lunch rolled around and there was still no sign of her in the cafeteria.

"Hawkeye?" said Kain uncertainly, "I'm afraid she hasn't been in today, sir."

"The first Lieutenant is ill?" asked Falman, also sitting down.

"She seemed fine last night," said Roy slowly, then glared upon catching the glances of his friends. "Don't be ridiculous, men! I just mean last night in the office!"

"You and Hawkeye did it last night in the office?!" Breda exclaimed, sitting down.

"Listen to yourselves!" Roy snapped, "you're acting like idiots! It was totally innocent!"

"How can you call _that_ 'totally innocent'?!" Kain yelped.

"For the last time _RIZA ARE NOT HAVING SEX!_"

The small group quietened considerably, until Havoc spoke up…

"She was at his apartment when I picked him up yesterday morning."

"I already explained that to you, Havoc," Roy grunted.

"Yeah, but I'm starting to wonder-"

"Do any of you really think Riza would have me anyway?!"

"Of course she would!" Havoc exclaimed, surprised by the outburst. "She's in love with you."

Sure, everybody knew it was true, but nobody had expected Havoc to just come out and say it.

'_She's in love with you.'_

"No she's not," Roy hissed, staring down at his food miserably.

"And how do _you_ know?" asked Havoc, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"_BECAUSE SHE SAID SO HERSELF!"_

Silence…

"Man, I'm sorry…" said Breda, shaking his head.

"Perhaps it is for the best, sir," said Falman, "after all… with the military the way it is, it would never work out between you."

"Besides," Kain agreed, "she'd want you to give up being a bachelor- you know she'd never stand for being one of many."

"You guys didn't take long to change your tune," Roy muttered.

"Well I'm not!" said Havoc determinedly. "Now that Hughes… Hughes… is gone, someone's gotta pester you about getting hooked, and I reckon it should be me! Now, tell me exactly what you said to her!"

"Leave me alone, Havoc," said Roy tiredly and he stood up and left the cafeteria.

-

"Elizabeth?"

"Yes, Grandfather…"

"How odd after all these years to find you on my doorstep… but by all means, come in!"

"Thank you, Grandfather…"

Riza Hawkeye stepped into the large mansion miserably and clutched her one mid-sized bag to her chest as her grandfather closed the door behind her.

"If there a problem? Why are you not at work, keeping that Mustang fellow in line?"

"I cannot… I cannot go back there now…" said Riza, staring at her bag as though hoping she'd somehow remembered to pack the answers to life's great questions inside before she left.

"Why don't we sit down and you can play me in chess and tell me all about it."

-

"Check, Grandfather."

"Check_mate_, Elizabeth."

Riza nodded deeply and sighed, though not so much about the outcome of the game as about her predicament. They had played six games already but she was no closer to telling him the reasons behind her unexpected visit.

Perhaps noticing this, he prompted her and she held a hand to her aching head unhappily.

"I just need to stay a night or two, Grandfather- until I can leave Central."

"That is all good and well, Elizabeth, but what is wrong with your own lodgings? Avoiding the phone, are we? Or perhaps the colonel knows your address?"

Riza looked up sharply, "how did you-"

"Come now, Elizabeth, it's not hard to guess," said her grandfather, shaking his head. "You know, they say that you have a soft spot for the young Elric Brothers."

"Excuse me?"

"I think you'd make an excellent mother- just like you are to those boys," the old man beamed, "I'm thinking _great grandchildren_!"

"That's ridiculous."

"No it's not- it's not even unlikely."

"It will be after tomorrow."

"Elizabeth Marianne Hawkeye, if you get on that train tomorrow I swear I will disown you," her grandfather seemed annoyed now.

"Grandfather-!"

"You love the colonel, don't you?"

"Grandfather…?" she let out an exasperated and, to some extent, defeated sigh. "How did you even know what I'm talking about?"

"It's written all over your face, Elizabeth." He smirked and winked quickly, "now stop twiddling your thumbs like a lost puppy and find him."

"But Grandfather… Grandfather, I _am_ – just like a lost puppy, I mean…"

"I have faith in you."

"Pity I don't…"


	4. Something New

Dear Faithful Readers, 

**Me: (dies of homework)**

**Tara: Becky, homework is **_**not**_** a disease.**

**Me: Is too!!!**

**Sav: Aren't you supposed to be dead?**

**Djane: (hides defibrillator behind back)**

**Tara and Sav: YOU DID THIS! YOU BROUGHT HER BACK!!! (furious)**

**Ash: I'm sorry! We didn't mean to! The defibrillator totally just fell… on her chest!!!**

**Djane: Yeah!!! And it wasn't us that yelled "CLEAR" either!!!**

**Everyone but Djane and Ash: o.o**

**Ash: (hides under stack of defibrillators) No! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!**

- Chapter 4 

"Riza! I didn't see you yesterday! Where were you?!"

"I was… ill, Taisa. I'm sorry."

Roy shook off her apology and grinned, relieved, "are you alright now?"

"Yes, Taisa, I'm fine thankyou."

"That's good. I- Everyone was worried about you."

Riza cocked her head to one side and sighed, "I'm flattered," she said dryly, "but that doesn't change the fact that none of you got any work done."

"You don't know that!" Roy exclaimed defensively, then, seeing the look on her face, he chuckled, "okay, so we didn't…"

Riza let out a long suffering sigh and nodded sharply, "right… get to it now and I _might_ cover for you later."

"Alright."

Riza left the room, bumping into Havoc on her way out, "good morning, Havoc," she said politely and he grinned.

"Good morning to you too, Lieutenant," he replied brightly, "everything right with you and the Colonel?"

"Why shouldn't it be?" asked Riza, feigning surprise.

"Oh, I dunno…" Havoc scratched the back of his head ruefully and tried to backtrack, "just… uhm… he was acting a little funny yesterday and you were absent so I thought-"

"I assure you, Havoc, our relationship is, and always will be, completely platonic," said Riza, shooting him a slightly disapproving look as she sidestepped him in the doorway, "have a nice day, now."

"You too, Lieutenant," he said, chuckling. "You too."

"What was that about?" Roy grumbled, looking up from his work irritably.

"Just wondering whether or not you'd resolved things," said Havoc elusively.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"So you're still sour about getting turned down?"

In the sole company of his good friend, Roy allowed a little of his frustration to seep into his words, "Havoc, it's not like I just asked her out or anything. I told her I loved her! I feel like an idiot!"

Havoc closed the door, locked it and dropped into a chair in front of his friend's desk, nodding sympathetically, "what did she say exactly?" he asked and, feeling almost like he was talking to some sort of counsellor, Roy went on reluctantly.

"She just kept shoving it in my face that it wouldn't work. She accused me of harassment…"

Havoc began to splutter with laughter as the image filled his mind and Roy glared at him mercilessly.

"Thanks, Havoc. Your support means a lot," he huffed, sitting back in his chair.

"I'm sorry, man!" said Havoc, far from seeming sorry, "but harassment? That is just too funny!"

"It stung," said Roy simply but sadly and Havoc immediately stopped laughing and started grinning that really wide and scary grin of his.

"You've got it bad, man," he informed him.

Roy bowed his head, "I know."

"Does she know that?"

"I told her!"

Havoc shook his head, "yeah, man, you told her you loved her. Big whoop. Does she actually _know_? Have you made any attempt to prove it to her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, how's she supposed to know, eh?" asked Havoc, leaning forwards and tapping his desk lightly. "You expect her to believe that the infamous Roy Mustang has given up his title of honourable bachelor-" Roy snorted at this "-in favour of her? Hawkeye's too modest and you know she'd never dare hope that she could change you like that… but she has, hasn't she?"

Roy looked down.

"If you could just have her," Havoc pressed, "wouldn't you give up every other girl you've ever had- could ever have?"

"Yeah."

"Tell her _that_. Tell her that she's the only one. You know Hawkeye, she'd like that, right? She needs someone solid and stable like you- someone to protect her."

"Riza?" Roy gave him an odd look as if to say 'are you feeling quite alright?' and shook his head, "when has Riza ever needed anyone?"

"Don't think I didn't… _overhear_ you yelling at her after your battle with Lust- she _gave up the will to live_, man. If that ain't a sure sign of love I dunno what is."

"Remind me to thank Alphonse," said Roy, looking off to the side, "again and again and again…"

Havoc grinned, "so you'll tell her?"

Roy looked like he was about to agree, then he shook his head, "I can't, Jean."

"Why not?!"

"She thinks I'm molesting her- if I speak of it again she'll report me and we'll both get demoted… she'll want a transfer… I can't let her leave. Yesterday I was so scared that I'd frightened her away for good, I don't want to feel that way again."

"Listen to yourself! You're _Roy Mustang_- you have girls clinging to your arm at every other moment and you've never had to spend a night alone if you didn't wanna! Hawkeye's just another one of them, right? You can do it!"

"Riza's different… she isn't impressed by the same things as other girls…"

Havoc shrugged easily, "so, man?" he said, "try something new."

-

"Sir, how far are you with your paperwork?" asked Riza, seeming rather grumpy as she strode into his office, through hoards of people leaving the building at five o'clock.

"I'm done," said Roy, looking up from his book brightly and shoving a couple of this into his bag, "you ready to leave yet, Lieutenant?"

Riza was stunned into silence, "uhm… wow… sure, let me just get my coat…"

-

'_Okay, Riza, what is wrong with this picture? It's a nice day, isn't it? The grass is green, the sun is shining- oh God, that's it! I'm leaving the office and it's not dark! Wow!'_

"So, Riza," said Roy casually as they wandered in the vague direction of her apartment complex, "I thought that maybe, since we're both out on time today, you might want to do something?"

Riza felt her body freeze over but she forced herself to be calm- maybe it was something completely innocent, after all! "Like what, Taisa?"

"Well, when I was talking with Jean earlier, he was saying that Gracia had gone to East for a few days and left Elysia with Kain- he's taking her down to the beach this afternoon and thought we could all tag along."

'_Well, that's __**almost**__ innocent…'_

"Sounds fun, Taisa- Hayate hasn't been for a decent walk in a while, I fear she's getting fat."

"Great! We're all meeting at Central Station in half an hour, so you can run home and get changed if you want- I need to go back to my place anyway- so see you there?"

Riza smiled and nodded, "sure," she agreed, "see you there."


	5. Central Station

Dear Faithful Readers, 

**I'm goin on an overnight excursion to Minnamurra Rainforest and Mogo Zoo for geography on Monday and Tuesday –no computers (- so don't expect anything then, 'kay? Hope you like P**

**Xx-Bex-xX**

- Chapter 5 

Riza's entrance to Central Station was met by some great deal of shock. No, she didn't walk in wearing nothing but a bikini as some of the men had evidently hoped, but that didn't make her any less beautiful.

She was wearing a deep red halter-top over a moderately skimpy black swimsuit and had tied a black sarong around her waist. It one hand she held a coiled leash, in the other a small black bag, and Black Hayate was trotting after her faithfully.

"Wow, Miss Lieutenant," whispered Fuery, awed, "you look great!"

Riza studied his face for a moment, apparently deciding whether or not she could call that remark coming from someone like Fuery suggestive. In the end she shrugged and went to join Roy and Havoc buying train tickets at the counter little ways off, signalling Hayate to stay with Fuery.

Havoc noticed her first, turning around and falling back a step, banging into Roy who, in turn, fell back against the ticket booth and flung his arms in a vain attempt to grab onto something, but just managed to fall on one awkwardly.

"Havoc, what the hell-?! _whoa_…"

"I seem to be getting a lot of that?" said Riza, shaking her head in mild disapproval. "Have you got the tickets?"

"Uhm… yeah… wow…" said Havoc, holding his breath, eyes wide.

"You look great, Riza," said Roy, then he quickly turned away and pretended to occupy himself with double checking the tickets.

A little insulted by the lack of attention he afforded her, Riza's mood turned sour. She knew she wouldn't give half a damn if it had been Falman, or Fuery or such, but Roy? Didn't he think she was attractive at all?

A moment later, though, he returned and, though still looking vaguely in the opposite direction, tried to initiate conversation. "So, Riza… how are you?"

"Since half an hour ago, sir?"

"Erm… yes."

Riza cocked her head to one side and let out a small chuckle, "I still miss my ex, sir… but my aim is getting better."

Roy turned to face her in a heartbeat, but he wasn't surprised that she'd be shooting at an ex-boyfriend, more that she had one at all, "huh?!"

"It was a joke, sir," she explained, shaking her head and smiling, "to get you to look at me."

"And again: huh?" said Roy, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You seem to be looking everywhere but my face this afternoon, sir, and may I remind you that no matter how repulsive someone may appear to you, it's never polite to completely ignore them."

Roy only looked more confused, "I don't think you look repulsive at all. Didn't I say you looked great?"

"None of you will look at me, sir. What am I supposed to believe?"

"That's not true! Havoc's staring- practically _drooling_."

"And you, sir?" said Riza.

"Me especially," he replied, "but you'd be insulted if I spent all afternoon staring at your body wouldn't you? _I'd_ probably be the one with a bullet to the head!" Riza opened her mouth to speak but was silenced by his sudden laugh. "You're armed, aren't you, Riza? Show us the worst of it, then!"

Riza shot him a disapproving look then opened her purse to reveal her two best handguns and lifted her sarong, flashing him an expanse of creamy skin and a small gun in a holster at her thigh.

"Any more I should know about?" Roy chuckled.

"A few," said Riza, shrugging.

"Where?" he asked, then held his hand up, "you know what? I probably don't want to know."

"Perhaps not, sir."

"So you're not angry at me?"

"No, sir. I'm not," said Riza.

"Good." Roy breathed out a sigh of relief. "Because here comes the train and if you were I'd probably find myself pushed under it."

"Probably," she agreed and she smiled at him.

"Come on, Guys, it's type to board!" came little Elysia's shrill giggle.

Roy grinned and ruffled the hair of Maes' little angel in her bright pink frilly bathing suit and floaties, "alright, Princess, we're coming."

Elysia beamed and skipped off.

"She likes you," said Riza, looking down and smiling a little as they stepped onto the train. "You're good with her."

"I like kids," said Roy, embarrassed, "I mean, Fullmetal's a little prick but Elysia's kind of cute, plus, she's Maes' and I own him that much."

"You'd make an okay father, sir," Riza told him, "if you'd only stop dating those ridiculous whores and settle yourself down with a proper woman."

"I would, Riza, but the woman I love doesn't love me back."

"Then find another one," was Riza's stony reply as she settled into the designated compartment, staring out the window glumly.

"I don't think I can."

"Then you're doomed to a life of loneliness, sir."

Roy might have said more, but at that moment Havoc and the other thundered in, practically rocking the train as they did so, and sat them selves down between the pair. Neither of them spoke for the entire trip, but none of their friends seemed to notice- too exciting about the impending trip to the seaside. Elysia, however, did, and she came over to sit in Riza's lap.

"Aunty Riza?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sad?"

Riza shifted the child in her lap and shrugged, "I don't know. I guess."

"Don't you like the seaside?"

"It's not that," said Riza, "I've just been having some problems lately."

"Problems like what?" asked Fuery, sitting beside her with Hayate in his own lap.

Riza blushed, unaware that he'd been listening, "nothing," she said, shaking her head, "I didn't mean to complain."

"Is Uncle Roy having problems too?" asked Elysia and Fuery looked over to his boss, finding him in the same state.

"Did something happen between you two, Lieutenant?"

"Nothing that's any of your business, Fuery," said Riza tiredly, not even bothered to lift her gun.

"You don't look so well- are you sure you're okay?"

"No… I'm not sure that I am. I think I'll rest for a little… Roy," she called over to the other side of the compartment, where he sat between Havoc and Armstrong (ouch), "will you take Elysia for me?"

Roy nodded and Elysia kissed Riza's cheek and said to get well soon before scrambling over to her 'Uncle Roy'.

Riza leaned her head against the window, but Fuery was grinning.

"First name basis, is it?" he asked.

Riza blinked, surprised, "not exactly…' she said, 'I guess I just slipped up."

"He calls you Riza, you know?"

Riza nodded and closed her eyes, "nothing I say will deter him from it."

"Why should it? You're pretty close aren't you?" said Fuery.

"It is not fitting, in our profession, that he sees me as anything more than his Lieutenant." Her voice was soft and sad.

"He does, though."

"I know he does…"

"I think he likes you a lot."

Riza opened her eyes slowly, "why? What has he said to you?"

"Nothing, really," said Fuery, wondering if he'd said too much. "But you can tell he really cares about you… back when he fought the homunculus Lust it was you he was scared for. He wouldn't tell me the details of what happened, but it sounded like you got pretty knocked up, even though it was him with all the injuries."

"It's not something I'm proud of, Fuery… that day… I thought I lost him," she scooped Hayate into her own lap and hugged him tight, her voice soft, "I fired off every bullet I had- even though I knew it wouldn't help… then… I just gave up. On the floor, crying my eyes out. Oh God… I never want to remember…"

"You gave up the will to live," said Fuery, a hand on her knee. "Why?"

Riza pressed her face into her puppy's soft fur, "he's all I have in this world…"

"So why do you push him away?"


	6. Will To Live

Dear Faithful Readers, 

**I wish I could see your faces at the end of the chapter… Be sure to describe them to me in your reviews, along with any accompanying actions, such as choking or falling out of your chair.**

**Xx-Bex-xX**

- Chapter 6 

_**Riza's P.O.V.**_

'He loves you Riza.' 

'_Does not.'_

'_Does too.'_

'_Does not.'_

'_Does too.'_

'_What are you- five?'_

I swear to God, my mind is plotting against me. This is so damn painful!

'_It doesn't even matter anyway, because even if he really does, I don't love him back!'_

'Do we even need to argue over that point?' 

'…'

'_Fine- if we must… Do too.'_

'_Do not.' _

'_Do too.'_

'_Do not.'_

'_Do too.'_

'_Do not.'_

'_For the love of God… at least stop laying around like an idiot. You know Elysia'll be upset if you don't take a swim with her.'_

'_That would require wearing nothing but my bathing suit around, God, __**how many**__ men?'_

'_It's a one-piece.'_

'_It's still more skin than any of them have ever seen.'_

'_Excluding Roy- he's seen a billion girls' skin.'_

'_Not __**mine**__!'_

'_Is there a difference?'_

'_Uhm, __**yes**__!'_

'_Why? What's wrong with Roy seeing you like that- it's not like you're naked, Riza.'_

'_**So? **__You know he'd make some stupid comment-'_

'_He told you that you were beautiful- that doesn't sound all that derogatory to me. If he'd said "hot" or "sexy" I might agree with you, but beautiful? That's special.'_

'_Why the hell are you taking his side?!'_

'_Don't ask me- I'm just a figment of your imagination.'_

'_Then shut up and leave me alone!'_

'_No.'_

'_Why __**not**__?'_

'_Because I'm the part of you that wants to be with Roy.'_

'_No way! I don't have one!'_

'_Yes, you do. I'm her- you're her. You're just too afraid of standing in his way.'_

'…'

'_The military has laws about things like that, hasn't it?'_

'…'

'_And it's hurting you inside.'_

'…'

'_Riza, are you listening to me?'_

'…_Yes…'_

'_And you know what you have to do?'_

'…_No…'_

'_**Tell him!**__'_

'_Don't be stupid- you know I can't!'_

'_Yes you __**can!**__ What about Maria and Sergeant Brosh- they're together and __**no one cares**__. Besides, everyone already suspects that you and Roy are together.'_

'_But we're __**not**__!'_

'_That's not what they think, Riza. And that's not what you __**want**__, right?'_

'_I swear! One more comment like that and I'll hold the gun to my own head!'_

'_Don't! Who would look after Roy?! What if something happens and you're not there because you selfishly ended your own life?!'_

'_Don't even talk to me about him! I'm sick of it! I __**don't want him**__!'_

'_Riza…'_

'_**NO**__!'_

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"Hey, Aunty Riza! Are you ready to swim yet? Aunty Riza?"

A long, shrill scream from Elysia brought the men over to see Riza, sitting in the sand, eyes wide but blank, with one hand holding one of her hand guns to the side of her head and the other hand trying to pull it away.

"Aunty Riza! Aunty Riza, what are you doing!"

"Riza!" Roy was the last to appear on the scene, collapsing, out of breath and horrified to his knees. "Riza, give me the gun!"

-

**Riza's P.O.V.** 'Shut up! Shut up about Roy! Shut up about everything! Leave me alone!' 

'_Don't do it, Riza! Don't pull the trigger!'_

'_Then shut up! Shut up!'_

'_You need to face it sometime! Just be reasonable about this. Don't-'_

Roys voice… "Riza, please. Please give it to me."

'Roy…' 

'_Listen. Listen to him- he doesn't want to see you hurt. Just. Put. The. Gun. Down.'_

"Riza! Riza, please! Snap out of it!"

'Come on- good girl, put the gun down. You're doing fine-' 

'_**NO! **__Stop it! Leave me alone! Go away! No…'_

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"No!" cried out, suddenly and she pulled the trigger just as Roy tried to shove the gun away.

The shot fired by the falling gun hit her in the shoulder and she let out a horrible sort of sob and began to cry, only dully aware of the panicked voices around her and of Fuery calling for help.

-

_**Riza's P.O.V.**_

'_Quiet… quiet… quiet…'_

"Riza!"

'_No, go away, Roy. Go away…'_

"Riza, please! Try to stay awake!"

'_No, let me have the quiet. Let me sleep.'_

"You can't die like this!"

'_Watch me.'_

-

…

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"Why?" asked General Grumman, looking down at the woman laying on the hospital bed before him miserably, "why would she do something like that?"

It was close to four in the morning and he and Roy were the only ones who had remained.

"I don't know, General, sir…" said Roy solemnly, "I did try to stop her, but it was like she couldn't hear me- or any of us."

"Was she upset about anything?"

Roy's eyes widened a little but he soon regained his composure- outwardly at least, inside, he feared his heart would never stop racing… but he shook his head, "no, sir- not that I know of."

"…Call me if anything changes, boy, and look after my Granddaughter for me. I must return home to set a few things in order."

"I understand, sir."

General Grumman placed a hand on Roy's shoulder wearily, "you should try to get some sleep."

"Yes sir."

"Good man."

Roy watched him leave, his face empty of emotion, but as the door closed behind him, he felt his heart breaking as he looked upon the pale face of his sickly Lieutenant, "Riza… is this my fault?"


	7. The Aftermath

Review Reply: "AAR" – Wow, a _bad_ review. I guess there's a first time for everything but it looks like you're alone, buddy. 

-

**Chapter 7**

_**Riza's P.O.V.**_

'_For the love of God… why aren't I dead.'_

'_Because Roy saved you, you idiot.'_

'_Of course… eh…'_

'_Aren't you going to thank him?'_

'_Huh?'_

'_You know if you just opened your eyes he'd be there with you.'_

'…'

'_Come on. You survived your idiotic and ill-planned attempt at suicide, you'll have to face him some day.'_

'_He'll be mad at me… he'll want to know why- everyone will.'_

'_Don't you think he deserves to know?'_

'_No! How can I tell him that he's the reason I almost-! I just can't… I don't want to hurt him like that.'_

'_Apologise, at least. And tell him that you're alright.'_

'…'

'_Come on, it's all over now. You're safe- I won't say anything more if you just tell him the truth.'_

'_But…'_

'_Go on. I'll be with you.'_

'_You are me.'_

'…_Just give him a chance, alright?'_

'_Okay. I'll try.'_

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"Roy?" Riza croaked, opening her eyes slowly and coughing. He wasn't there. "Roy?" she said again, looking around and trying to sit. The room in which she lay was stripped of everything but the bare minimum and to her it looked very much like a cell. For a moment she was confused, but then she understood, she wouldn't be getting any visitors for a long time- she had attempted suicide, she was in a mental hospital. "Is that true?" she whispered, "am I really that miserable that I'd… oh, God…"

"Oh, you're awake, dear."

The speaker was a plump woman at the door, holding a bowl of water and a cloth and Riza supposed that she was a nurse.

"Yes…"

"You gave your friends quite a fright you know- there was a young child with them… traumatised. Poor thing." The woman walked over and set the bowl on the table beside Riza, taking the cloth and dampening it before pressing it to her hot forehead.

"Elysia? Could you tell her that I'm sorry?"

"Oh, she's not here anymore, I'm afraid," said the nurse, shaking her head. "Her mother came and picked her up."

"Oh, God… I've ruined Gracia's vacation…"

"That's the least of your worries, young lady."

"Roy…"

"The Colonel is out of his mind worrying about you and General Grumman was also here-"

"_Grandfather! _Hells… I've really messed up, haven't I…?"

"I'm not going to lie to you- it does look pretty bad. But you'll be okay. Would you like me to call your grandfather and tell him that you're awake?"

"No, it's okay… but could you call Roy please? And tell him," Riza took a deep breath and nodded firmly, "…tell him that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt him."

The nurse smiled kindly, "yes," she said, placing the towel back in the bowl and picking it up, "I will."

Riza lay back down and closed her eyes, trying to summon Elysia's face to her mind… but she couldn't- no matter what she tried, the only one she could think of was _him_.

-

She waited all day but Roy wasn't allowed in to see her- she did get a visit from the police, however.

"We have a few questions to ask you," asked one, a large man in uniform, aided by another in the same.

Riza, sitting up now, nodded her consent.

"Where did you obtain the weapons found on your person?"

"I'm good with weapons, sir- most of them were hand made."

"Do you have any proof that you were authorized to possess them?" he then asked.

"Sirs, I am in the military- if all of your questions are thus inclined you would do better to ask my superior officer, Colonel Mustang."

The policemen exchanged glances.

"You expect us to believe you're in the military?" the second one asked.

"Are you surprised, sirs?"

"Have you no identification available?"

"I was off duty at the time- I brought none with me and if I had, it would have been taken," said Riza.

The first policeman coughed, "you were off duty, yet you brought weapons?"

"I prefer to remain armed at all times, sirs."

"And why did you choose to turn your arms upon yourself?"

Riza's face remained blank, "my reasons are entirely personal."

"If you are truly in the military, then it is of intimate concern to us."

Riza shook her head, "I'm afraid that I am not yet ready to reveal my justification." She expected the men to object, but instead they nodded and left, promising that they would return in a few days to question her further, and that, in the meantime, they would contact Colonel Mustang.

-

"Elanora," Riza said to her nurse later that afternoon, "why are my friends being kept from me?"

"The doctors fear a familiar face will spark your illness again- until your condition stabilizes a little more, we cannot allow you visitors."

"But I'm not ill- just injured."

"You were diagnosed with a mild mental disorder this morning-"

"I am not insane!"

"Do try to relax, dear- there are pills you can take for this-"

Riza groaned softly, "Elanora, I'm _not_ ill! I was upset… at least I think I was upset- I might have been happy… I don't know- I was afraid."

"Would you like to tell me about it, dear?" asked the nurse, sitting down on the side of her bed, smiling sympathetically.

"I'd rather not."

"It'll make you feel better."

Riza gave her a cynical sort of look, "if I tell you will you please let me have a visitor?"

"I'm not allowed to make promises like that," said Elanora, shaking her head sadly.

"Please? I swear I'm well- I just want to apologise properly. Please?"

"We'll see."

Riza nodded slowly and sighed, "all right- but you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, okay? It's important."

Elanora nodded patiently.

"Colonel Mustang and I have been friends for about twelve years now- he used to be my fathers apprentice and when he joined the military, so did I, as his aide. We fought together in Ishbal and have remained together since then…"

"I think I see where this is going," said Elanora, placing a hand over Riza's on the bed, "you're in love with him."

"Well, that took you about five seconds to figure out… I only just did."

"Hence the extreme reaction?"

Riza bowed her head shamefully, "he has been expressing interest in me lately- he told me that he loved me… I guess finding out that part of me felt the same was just too much." She looked up now, "it was stupid of me… I was just so confused…"

"I'm guessing you're not usually this open," said Elanora, slightly amused.

"How can you tell?" asked Riza bitterly.

"Call it a nurse's intuition… I think you really do need to talk to the Colonel. Maybe I can do something about fetching him up here."

Riza smiled and nodded, lying back against her pillow, "thank you. That'd mean a lot."

-

**Dear Faithful Readers,**

**Gotta go pack for Minnamurra! Cyaz!**

**Xx-Bex-xX**


	8. Facing Him Again

**Chapter 8**

"Riza? Are you awake?"

She was, but she waited a few moments more before opening her eyes- half hoping that he'd given up and left. He hadn't, "Mmhmm?" she said eventually, shifting herself up into a sitting position. He opened his mouth but Riza shook her head, "if you're going to yell at me you can leave now."

"What _happened_ back there?" Roy asked instead, placing a large, gloved hand over one of hers.

"Exactly what you think happened."

"But why? Aren't you happy? Was it my fault?"

"The doctors think I have a mental disorder," said Riza, the tiniest hint of spite edging her words.

"What do you think?"

"I just wanted the quiet."

"The quiet?"

"I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you, Colonel," said Riza, saying it determinedly with dry eyes and an even tone, "…but part of me kept saying that I did- that I always have- and it was like a war was raging between my head and my heart… I hate wars, sir…" the last bit was choked out and, amazingly, she began to cry.

Roy sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled her into his arms gently and holding her against his chest as she cried softly, "Riza, I'm sorry for upsetting you," he said as carefully as he could, "I don't even want you to make a decision now if you don't want to. I'll ask them to discharge you, you can go home and spend a few days by yourself to set things in order."

"Sir, I am well now, I can return to work as soon as I am allowed to leave," said Riza, pulling away from him, "please do not treat me any different from any of your other subordinates."

"Nonsense, Riza," said Roy, laughing just a little, "I once gave Havoc a week off for just being dumped by a girl and you were long due a break anyway."

"Sir…"

"Just one day then? Come on. A mental health day- do it for me?"

Riza took a deep shuddering breath, pushed Roy further away and looked for something to busy her hands, eventually settling for getting out of her bed and making it, perhaps a little obsessively.

"Riza, don't be ridiculous- lie back down."

"I am perfectly alright, sir. Please tell them to discharge me and I will return immediately… think of the work you're missing yourself, sir."

Roy decided to ignore that last comment, taking her arm gently and laying her back down, pulling the covers up to her chin and tucking the sides in, trapping her. Satisfied, the straightened up, "I'll send Elysia up with her mother later if you don't mind- she just needs to see for herself that you're okay."

"Yes, sir."

"Roy."

"Yes, Roy."

Roy leaned over his beautiful lieutenant and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, watching in amusement as her eyes fluttered closed. "You must be tired," he said, mostly to himself, and was unsurprised when he received no reply. Just as he made to leave however, a soft mumble made him turn around.

"Roy, I love you," she whispered.

For a second, he thought that she was a sleep, but a moment later, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Seeing this, he grinned, "I love you too, Riza."

"Everything's much clearer now."

Roy smiled at her innocence, "well, I'm glad." He leaned down and kissed her again, this time on her mouth. He felt her smile again. "Goodnight, Riza."

"Goodnight… Roy."

-

"Aunty Riza!"

"Good afternoon, Elysia," Riza replied from her bed, where she sat with her back straight against the metal headboard and her legs tucked beneath her. "Gracia."

"Riza, are you all right?" asked Gracia worriedly, sitting down beside her and slipping an arm around her shoulders.

"Are you going to leave us like Daddy did, Aunty Riza?"

"I promise, I'm fine," said Riza, shaking her head. "Gracia, I'm so sorry to have ruined your holidays… and to you to, Elysia. I… wasn't thinking."

"Don't go, Aunty Riza!" Elysia scrambled onto the bed too and flung her arms around her proclaimed 'Aunt's' neck, crying.

"Be still, Elysia. I'm not going anywhere," said Riza, hugging her back and smiling over her shoulder at Gracia.

"You've seen the Colonel, haven't you?" she asked, "he was really worried about you."

Riza pulled Elysia down into her lap and gave her a secret sort of smile, "yes, I have."

"Something I should know?" asked Gracia and somehow Riza knew she wasn't just talking about her motives.

"He kissed me," she told her best friend softly.

"And…?"

"I let him."

Gracia let out a small squeal and Elysia mimicked her, Riza wincing as she found herself buried beneath them both.

"So this means what?" asked Gracia, recovering with a large grin on her face.

"I don't know… it's not allowed- we both know that well enough, I think."

"And neither of you are likely to quit the military…"

"No chance."

"Maybe the law can be bent…"

"I don't want complications, Gracia- I just want things to go back to the way they were before… if I tell Roy that I've changed my mind-"

"For the love of God! Don't do that!"

"Hm?"

Gracia shook her head determinedly, "it was Maes' dearest wish to see the two of you happy together, Riza. Don't give up."

"Aunty Riza, are you going to marry Uncle Roy?" asked Elysia brightly.

"No, Elysia. I'm not."

"Aww! 'Cause Mummy says I can't have a little sister because she's not married anymore but if you and Uncle Roy got married and had a baby it would be almost the same, right?" Riza blushed crimson and Gracia laughed softly. "What? What's so funny, Mummy?"

"Nothing at all, Elysia," Riza told her, smiling now, "I'm just not going to be able to make you any sisters, okay? It doesn't work like that…" she paused a little before laughing as well, "you're as bad as your father was."

Instead of being at upset, Gracia smiled brightly, "exactly," she agreed. "Just like Maes!"

"Aunty Riza… are you _sure_?"

Riza's laughed died, apparently she'd already forgotten, "yes, I'm sure," she said, more seriously. "Are you lonely Elysia?"

"No! I've got lots of people to play with me… but they're all big like you and Mama- even Eddie is bigger than me!"

Riza just smiled and shook her head.

"You're imaging what it's like, aren't you?" asked Gracia, grinning at the far off look in her eyes.

"Huh?"

"To have a family," her friend expanded.

Riza blushed again, "I might be," she said elusively and Gracia laughed.

'_See how happy he could make you, Riza?'_

Riza froze suddenly, paling.

"Riza? Riza?" Gracia stopped laughing abruptly and even little Elysia looked concerned.

"Aunty Riza, why have you stopped moving?"

'_It would never work. Never, never work. You __**know**__ it wouldn't.'_

'_Shut up. Just shut up.'_

'_You'd only be standing in his way.'_

'_I want to be with him!'_

'_If you really loved him you'd let him go. Move far, far away- distance yourself from him. Don't force him to watch over you as he does.'_

'_I have to protect him- have to be with him. Don't make me leave.'_

'_Do you want to put him in danger?'_

'_In danger…'_

'_Do you want to be the cause of his death?'_

'_Death…'_

'_Do you want his blood on your hands? The blood of this man you say you love.'_

'_No… I don't…'_

"If you could please leave me with the patient, ma'am, she seems to be having an episode."

"What's wrong with her?"

"Please step back, ma'am."

"Why won't she answer me? Riza?!"

"Not now, ma'am. Please take your daughter and leave."

Gracia's body seemed to have frozen over as she watched her poor friend- still as ice- she shivered, "come along, Elysia," she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away as the nurse proceeded to check Riza over.

"Ma'am," said another, by the door, "please leave- _Ms Hawkeye, please return to your bed!"_

Riza had taken it upon herself to stand, apparently oblivious to what was happening around her. Reaching out, Gracia grasped her forearm as she tried to pass, "Riza! What do you think you're doing!"

'_Don't put him in any further danger- not if you love him. Not Roy.'_

Riza tore her arm away and began to run, stumbling a little, eyes blind to all but her course, ears death to all but her tormented mind- no thoughts nor feeling unconsumed by _him_.

Even as she ran out into the crisp air of the cold central evening, cries were heard from within, and the sound of someone –many people, perhaps- following. But she was already gone.


	9. Missing

**Chapter 9**

"You _lost_ her?!"

"Colonel, please calm down- there are some very ill people in this ward-"

Roy held a hand to his head, squeezing his eyes tight shut, then opening them again, somewhat calmer, "what happened exactly?"

"She seemed to be having an episode, sir- completely unaware of what was happening around her… we are trying to find her now."

"I should be helping too-"

"No, wait a moment more- Mrs Hughes wants to have a word with you," said Nurse Elanora, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "and do try not to worry yourself, sir."

Roy merely nodded and looked over as Gracia walked in, having left Elysia with the men in the waiting room.

The nurse left and Gracia bowed her head, "I'm sorry, Colonel- I tried to keep her from leaving…"

"I know, Gracia, but did she say anything to you?"

"I was talking to her at the time," Gracia explained. "Elysia and I. We were talking about you, actually…" she put a hand to her cheek as she began to cry softly, "…she didn't want to hold you back."

"I keep hurting her… do you think it could work between us?"

"Only if the both of you _stop having doubts_," said Gracia earnestly. "You have to work for it-understand that."

Roy shook his head, "our priority right now is finding her. If she really is ill then it's not safe for her out there."

"You go ahead- I've got something to sort out first."

Roy didn't question her- there were more important matters at home.

-

'_You're safe here. __**He's**__ safe while you're here.'_

Riza opened her eyes as the train rattled and thrust her head hard against the glass.

'_God, no… what am I doing here… I have nothing but my train ticket- no money, no home- nothing. I can't go back home… who's feeding Hayate. Roy… no… Colonel Mustang. He must be worried.'_

'_Forget about him. Fuery will find a nice new owner for Hayate. Maybe Gracia or Winry?'_

'_Who will encourage the men to do their paperwork?'_

'_You'll be easily replaced.'_

Riza sighed and looked down at her train ticket, "Risembool," she murmured, shaking her head. "Of course…"

'_Winry is in Central- you could stay a night or two with Pinako before word reaches her- she wouldn't stop you leaving at this point.'_

Pleased with her course of action, Riza closed her eyes again and allowed herself to fall back into a light sleep.

-

"Elizabeth Hawkeye, wasn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am- very sorry to bother you, but would it be alright if I stayed the night here?"

Pinako smiled warmly, "please do. I get so lonely here when dear Winry is away in Central, you may stay as long as you need."

"Just the one night will be sufficient, ma'am. I'm in a hurry."

"A very tasking mission, then?" Pinako queried, stepping out of the doorway to allow her entry.

"You could say that."

Ten minutes later, the two of them were sipping tea in the kitchen.

"So, how is the Colonel?"

"I… have been on this mission several months now," Riza lied. "I haven't seen him."

"But surely you have kept in touch?"

"I believe he is well."

"That is good- what of Winry? Have you seen her in your travels?"

"I have not."

"When last did you cross paths with the Elric brothers?"

"Many months ago now."

Riza understood what it must be like for her- being so cut off from those she cared about- but still, the questions seemed too personal to answer truthfully if she was to keep up her charade.

"Were they well?"

"They seemed happy enough."

"That is good- and yourself?"

Riza bowed her head, "my mission is going well."

"Something troubles you, Miss Hawkeye."

"I'm fine," said Riza.

"Come now, I'm old and experienced enough to recognise misery when I see it- tell me what's wrong."

Riza shook her head, "everyone's making such a fuss… I just wanted to get away."

"There is no mission, is there?" asked Pinako sympathetically.

"No, ma'am."

"And the others don't know you're here?"

Riza shook her head silently.

"Well, dear, I can't say that I approve, but if you think it's the right thing to do…"

"It's the only thing I can do."

Pinako nodded, "I understand," she sighed, then looked up- gaze unnervingly intense, "I just never thought you were one to run away from your fears." Riza could find no answer for her there and so she went on. "Because inside or out, fear is fear, and fear can be overcome."

"You're very wise, Pinako."

Pinako laughed heartily, "that's a lovely way to put it, dear- Winry calls me old. Heck, I _am_ old. You're a beautiful young woman, you are. Very deserving of your colonel."

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't told him you love him yet? Forgive me, I assumed that that was why you'd run away."

Riza ducked her head shamefully.

"Ah, so I _was_ right."

"I'm just trying to protect him."

"From what I hear, you're not doing him any good now," Pinako laughed again at the look on Riza's face. "Yes, dear, they've already called me."

"You knew all along!" she accused her.

"Of course," said Pinako, "and I must say I'm disappointed. I know General Grumman was looking forward to grandchildren…"

"Let me guess- you're another chess buddy," sighed Riza.

"Well, with Winry gone so much these days, I thought I could use a hobby," she replied, shrugging. "Now, back to the matter at hand. I'm told that you ought to be in hospital."

"I just want to get as far away as possible," said Riza, sounding defeated.

"Now, see _that_ is an awful pity, dear," said Pinako, with that terrible I-know-something-you-don't-know smile on her face, "because, I got a call from Gracia this morning."

Riza looked up, surprised.

"She says the fraternization laws been lifted."


	10. What Next

**Chapter 10**

"We believe the first lieutenant has been subjected to a rather new form of hallucinogen," Elanora explained solemnly.

"You don't honestly think that Riza's on drugs do you?" Roy protested.

"The tests are inconclusive, but we just aren't sure what else it could be," she sighed. "From what Mrs Hughes said about how she found her and what the patient has told me herself, we've identified her condition as the effects of the hallucinogen, Jaade- most likely administered by injection."

"So what are you telling me?"

"It is not in the nature of hallucinogens, especially this one, to flush out of the patient's system completely…"

"You mean to say that there's no hope of recovery?"

"In a way- you see, Jaade attacks the central nervous system and the brain to enhance emotions- good or bad. While she has become quite well now, there is always the possibility of accidentally triggering another reaction."

Roy nodded here, "okay, then. She is returning to central with the grandmother of a friend this afternoon- what is it that you suggest?"

"There is some medication I can provide to help, but I fear the military is an unsafe profession for someone who has been exposed to as large an amount of Jaade as she apparently has."

"She'll never leave," said Roy, shaking his head.

"Maybe you can convince her," Elanora implored, then she sighed. "Or you could just fire her-"

"Never," he replied immediately. "I will try to get her to agree to an honourable discharge, but I won't disgrace her like that. Her life is her own to lead."

"Think about it. It's for her own good… however, there's still the issue of how she came to have the drug in the first place…"

"You think someone might have injected her with it- against her will?"

"I didn't say that, Colonel," said Elanora elusively, "but it is a possibility, and there _are_ several people who would benefit from a military sharpshooter becoming incapacitated. I want to know if you can think of anyone, specifically, who might be out to get her."

"There are probably many people who would kill her just for being my aide," said Roy, shaking his head.

"No possible leads?"

"None. I'm sorry."

"It's a pity… you see, as I said, we don't know a great deal about the Jaade drug- mainly because we have no way of getting a sample. If we were to obtain some, it might be possible to come up with a cure for the permanent effects, you understand?"

"If my team can find this drug for you, then there's a possibility you could restore Riza to normal?" Roy clarified slowly.

"Yes."

"Then we'll do it- have _you_ any leads on that?"

Elanora looked thoughtful for a moment, "we believe the drug is being manufactured somewhere in the East region, by a group of minor terrorists, and being sold on the black market. I expect it would be best for you to try to attain some under a false name."

"And there is nothing more you can tell me?"

"Only to be careful, sir," she replied, shaking her head, "for Riza's sake, at least."

"I will. Will you tell her where I've gone?"

"I think it's best that I don't."

Roy raised an eyebrow, confused.

"We should try to keep the shock to a minimum- if she keeps worrying about you, she might do something she'll regret later. There's no way for us to dilute the drug in her blood, after all."

"I'll leave right away," said Roy, "tell her that I'm escorting her grandfather back to his home in the East."

"Yes, sir."

"And that I'll be back soon."

"Yes, sir."

"And that I love her-"

"Sir, I suggest you leave now."

"Right… I'll gather a team… thank you, nurse."

Elanora smiled reassuringly, "no problem. I'll be sure to pass on your love."

Roy sighed contentedly and left without another word.

He was going to go deeper than deep undercover and find that drug for her.

One way or another, he was going to see her well again.

-

Riza looked for him as she and Pinako got of the train. He wasn't there. Pinako watched her carefully as she searched for him in the crowd, and followed her gaze as her eyes picked up a little.

"Colonel!" she called, raising a hand in greeting, but he turned only for a second before hurrying off in the opposite direction. "What…?"

"Come now, Miss Hawkeye, that lovely Mrs Hughes is waiting over there- why don't we join her?"

"Where did Roy go?"

"I'm sure he'll come and see you later, Miss Hawkeye, but right now…"

Riza nodded sadly and looked over at Gracia, who was hurrying in their direction.

"You owe me, Riza! You so owe me!"

"What is it, Gracia?"

"I spent all of yesterday presenting your case to the Fuhrer and now the fraternization laws have been lifted!"

Riza smiled hollowly.

"Is something wrong?" asked Gracia, a little upset at not having received a more positive reply.

"The Colonel just left without speaking to her," Pinako explained.

"Oh, don't worry about him- I expect he's in a hurry," said Gracia compassionately. "He's escorting the General back to his home in the East- it shouldn't take him more than a few days. I believe he left a message with your nurse."

"Are we going back to the hospital then?" asked Riza, sighing a little.

"They'd like to keep you there just a little while longer- don't give me that look, Riza."

"Nothing will get done at the office with Roy and I gone." She protested.

"You can shoot their hands off when you're well again," Gracia promised her and Riza smiled.

"I'm not that bad, am I?"

"You shoot at your dog for peeing on the wall."

"All dogs have to get toilet-trained some time," said Riza defensively.

Gracia shook her head in amusement, "let's get back to the hospital. Mrs Rockbell, would you like us to drop you off at the Elrics' office, I'm sure you'll find Winry there."

"That would be nice, dear," said Pinako, smiling at the thought of Ed with a lump on his head cowering under Winry and her wrench.

The car ride was full of anxious tension for Riza, her mind haunted by the desperate look on her love's face as he turn away and began to walk in the other direction. She didn't care what Pinako and Gracia said- Roy definitely hadn't wanted to see her, and if he really was doing as they said then where was her Grandfather to prove them right?

'_Okay,' _she thought stubbornly, _'I don't care what the hell they think is wrong with me, I'm not __**stupid**__. There's something that they're not telling me and I'm going to find out what it is.' _She waited a few moments, almost daring the little voice in her head to disagree with her, but there was only grim acceptance.

Well. That made things a lot easier.


	11. Come Back Soon

**Dear Faithful Readers,**

**I have so much homework that it's not funny, and the moment I get back on Monday I'm going to have to deal with everything I missed on Friday for the McDonald's Performing Arts Competition I did for Senior Choir and Senior Chamber Choir. I have to go finish all that now, and I probably won't get anything up this coming week, but the week after that is the holidays so it'll be much, much easier for me. See you then!**

**Xx-Rekka-xX**

**-**

**Chapter 11**

_**Roy's P.O.V.**_

Heavens… the look on her face as I turned away… was it the right thing to do? I could have smiled- could have waved. Instead I just turned and walked away, even after everything I said to her and feel for her. And she looked so sad- so betrayed… But I have to keep professional about this. It's a dangerous mission, and that drug needs to be contained… but more importantly, I have Riza to think of. I want to protect her. I can't waste any more time than I already have… and, though I don't even want to think it, with her emotions out of her control like they are, it's not safe for her to be around me. I can't return until I've found a way to get her back to normal.

Still, dangerous though it was, I wish I could have spoken to her- touched her face, kissed her lips, whispered that everything was going to be okay.

I wish I could have been with her just one moment more.

The train that came into view the moment I turned away was crude and disagreeable compared to that last glimpse of her soft sweet face, however sad. It was a hulking great metallic thing that roared as it came to a grinding halt. The noise around me heightened considerably as the doors slid opened, making a horrid screeching noise as they did. One woman beside me was yelling for her husband and kids to hurry up, else they'd miss it. A man to my right was roaring into his cell phone at some "incompetent bastard" on the other end. A woman barged past with her head in her hands at one point, she was miserable and alone and shaking and her crumpled face embodied every emotion I was feeling at that moment. I desperately wanted my Riza… but I wanted her to be safe too- even if it meant I had to leave her for a time.

-

_**Gracia's P.O.V.**_

"Riza," I said, "I've just been talking to your nurse and-"

"What are they going to do with me?" She interrupted softly from where she sat, screwing up the hospital sheets in her shaking hands. She sounded miserable and defeated- like the only thing she had left in the world had disappeared… like I felt when I lost Maes. I can see it in her eyes how she burns for him and I want to tell her that it'll be okay but I don't know that it will. They told me about the drug they'd found traces of in her blood- and how Roy had left to find more of it so that the scientists at the hospital could work on a treatment for it… but what if it didn't work out? How would we tell her with her in this state? How at all? Still, I tried to comfort her in every way I could.

"Nurse Elanora is busy right now, and apologises for not being able to say this herself, but the Colonel left a message with her before he left." She looked up gravely, dropping the sheets she was wringing nervously and clasping them together tight. I hated how ill she looked- Riza Hawkeye, the military's best sharpshooter and the strongest woman I've ever known… so lost and afraid. She just wanted everything to be okay. "He said to tell you that he won't be long," I said hesitantly- wondering if it was true, "and that he still loves you very much." I watched Riza's pretty face tighten considerably. It seemed that the news hadn't comforted her in the least bit. "Please cheer up, Riza!" I begged.

"Why?" she asked hollowly. "They all think I'm insane- I'll lose my job; I won't be allowed to carry guns; Roy will have no reason to ever speak to me again…"

"They don't think you're insane, Riza!" I protested, before remembering that I wasn't supposed to tell her what they _did_ think and clamping my mouth shut.

"Then tell me the truth- why am I still here?"

"You tried to kill yourself, Riza," I said carefully, "we just want to make sure you're alright."

Riza didn't answer for a while, putting her head in her arms miserably, "why couldn't you just let me die…"

My eyes hardened, "have you not learned yet, Riza? Do you still think life is just a _game_?" I told myself to stop it- that none of this was her fault… but those feelings the Jaade heightened were based on reality, right? If she really thought at any time that ending her life was the only way… Gods! It just made me so mad! "Don't you understand that we're all worried sick about you, Riza?! And the Colonel doesn't sleep anymore- sitting out there in the waiting room all night- just in case something happens to you! But still, you push him away! All this because you're afraid of your feelings for him!" She just buried her face in her arms again, shaking her head. I knew she was crying but I couldn't stop now, "Riza, we love you and we care about you- all of us do- but if you don't care at all about what you're leaving behind then maybe you _are_ better off dead!"

I didn't just say that, did I?

I really didn't just say that!

Not to Riza-!

"You think so too, then," said Riza, letting her arms fall- face streaked with hot tears.

"I'm sorry, Riza- it's just that we're all so worried about you lately and I-" Riza just shook her head and lay down silently, turning on her side and pulling the covers up to her chin. "Don't… Riza, I shouldn't have said that!" I said and I knew I sounded desperate, but I didn't care, "Riza, I'm sorry!"

Riza closed her eyes and said no more. I knew she wasn't asleep but I left anyway. If she didn't want to talk to me, she wasn't going to. That's just the way she always was. Still, I was worried, and made a mental note to warn the nurse of her condition the following morning.

-

**Elysia's P.O.V.**

Mommy came home in a bad mood. She said barely a word but thank you to Winry, who'd been playing with me, and she said nothing to Granny Pinako at all. When they both left, Mommy flopped down onto the couch and made a soft, sad sound like the ones she used to make a lot after Daddy died…

"Mommy… did Auntie Riza die?" I asked when I could make my voice come out right.

Mommy shook her head but she still looked sad.

"Then what's wrong? You said she was fine yesterday."

"I said something I should have to Auntie Riza," said Mommy. "I made her sad again."

"What did you say?" I asked but Mommy wouldn't tell me. Instead, she brought me up to my room, tucked me into bed and kissed me goodnight like she always does- just like nothing was wrong… but I still knew it was. "Auntie Riza's not being very nice is she Mommy," I said.

Mommy looked surprised.

"She's making everyone sad," I said, "and she cries all the time- she's not like she used o be at all."

"She doesn't mean to hurt us, Elysia," said Mommy, shaking her head and running her hands through my hair. "She's just not feeling very well at the moment- it's making her cranky."

"I don't get this cranky when _I'm_ sick," I said huffily.

"Auntie Riza's a special kind of sick, Elysia," Mommy told me, "she has something yucky in her tummy and she can't get rid of it."

"Why doesn't she just throw up? That made me feel better when I ate too much cake at Daddy's birthday last time."

"She can't get it out," said Mommy and her voice was shaking like she really didn't want to talk about it.

"Not ever?" I asked earnestly.

"I don't know… Uncle Roy's trying to find something to help her now. I hope she'll be okay…"

I don't think Mommy was talking to me anymore. She was talking to herself and trying to make herself feel better. I sat up and gave her a big hug, "she'll be okay, then," I told her, smiling to make her smile too. "Uncle Roy would never let anything bad happen to Auntie Riza."

Mommy seemed happier when I said that, so I was happy too. "You're right, Elysia," she said, hugging me close, "Uncle Roy will always keep her safe."


	12. Deeper

**Chapter 12**

_**Roy's P.O.V.**_

"Man, you've got to focus," said Havoc, sternly, as I began to drift off to sleep.

"Havoc, we've been on this train for _twelve hours_ and we've got nine to go," I muttered, "let me rest."

"You'd be awake if Riza were here," he huffed.

"Only because she'd have a gun pressed to my temple by now."

"That's probably true."

I sighed inwardly and looked around the train carriage at my small crew. Havoc, Fuery and Falman alone were to accompany me on this mission- posing as a few odds and ends looking to buy the drug off the black market. The official mission was to shut the crooks down, but it's no secret that I was doing it for a slightly more personal reason. Still, no one questions it- they haven't even mentioned it, and I'm glad. We have this sort of pretence going- we're all thinking that Riza's back in Central, whipping our stand-ins into place until we return. None of us want to her imagine her lying in that goddamned hospital cot, so pale and sickly like she is… not our brave Lieutenant Hawkeye. Not my beautiful Riza.

I closed my eyes and for a moment I was there with her- sitting by her side, smoothing her damp bangs away from her forehead and kissing her mouth gently as she sleeps… but then Havoc taps me again and I'm back on the train- powering away from Riza back in Central, and leaving her to face her demons alone.

"Come on, chief," Havoc said, shaking his head, "now's not the time to be thinking about her."

I looked up again and saw Fuery and Falman nodding at me sadly. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't worry, sir," said Fuery sympathetically and Falman agreed.

"Why don't we think up our aliases while we have the time?"

"Fun!" Havoc exclaimed, brightening suddenly, "let's all do me first! What's my name?!"

"The initials should still be HC, just so we don't forget ourselves," said Falman, practical as always.

"John Huntsman," said Fuery dryly as he flicked an offending spider away from him.

"Jean-John… Jean-John…" said Havoc, weighing it up in his head and nodding eventually, "yeah, I can see myself remembering that. Background story now!"

It was our tradition, when creating aliases, to sit in a circle- or something resembling one- and to go around adding bits in until it was deep enough. It was no secret that this was Havoc's favourite part.

"Okay! My name is John Hunstman," Havoc began, "and I come from Rush Valley, where my dad and mum work with automail, but since I never had much talent for it, and my parents found all the girls -naturally attracted to me, of course- in the shop annoying, it was decided that I should move to Central and finish my education there…"

"John," I said as he gestured for me to continue for him, "completed his education at a public school of little standing and went on to work as a baker…"

Seeing Havoc's disappointment, Fuery was quick to interrupt, "then, one day, a beautiful girl named… Marina walked into the shop and ordered three French rolls…"

"And they fell madly in love," Falman added dutifully, bringing the story back into Havoc's grasp.

"We married two years later and a little after that, we had our first child-"

"A boy named Roy," I cut in, grinning a little.

"Who was very, very naughty!" said Fuery, nudging me.

"And who had to be sent to military school to knock some sense into him," said Falman and I made a face.

"My wife, Marina, and I rented a lovely little summer house in Eastern…"

"But there was a fire and she died," I decided, "and John became depressed."

"But then-"

"Fuery, stop being nice- this guy's supposed to me a drug addict not a happy, healthy man with a wife, two kids and a dog," I pointed out and Havoc sighed loudly.

"Fine… why don't you just finish the story then, Roy?"

"Huh? Why just me?"

"Because you're good at breaking people's hearts," said Havoc, grinning and prodding me.

I glared, but obliged anyway, "John moved back to Central and found the bills for Little Roy's military academy in the mail. He didn't have the money, so he set his house alight, pretended to be dead and ran away, but he was caught and sent to prison." I watched in amusement as Havoc's face grew sadder and sadder. "But an inmate secretly supplied him with small, dilute amounts of Jaade during the months before his break-out and now he wants more. He worked up the money for the train and came to Eastern- the end."

Havoc frowned, "let's make Roy's story as bad as mine!"

"Yeah!" Falman and Fuery agreed forcefully and I sighed.

"Go ahead then."

"Okay, Roy- your name is Ridley Merchant," said Fuery.

"And you married a beautiful woman named Elizabeth in Central…" added Falman, and everyone –me included- stared at him in shock before he went on, "…but she became terminally ill and also died."

"Don't even joke about that," I found myself hissing.

"You made _my_ wife die," Havoc pointed out accusingly, "we can kill off yours as well!"

"It's not the same!"

"Yes it is! It's only a story, after all!"

I gritted my teeth and looked down.

"Okay, Falman, I think we'll have to change that part," said Fuery, shaking his head.

"Aww! Why?!" Havoc protested.

"Because Marina Huntsman doesn't exist, and you're upsetting the Colonel by speaking that way about Riza."

"So? It'll only make his act more convincing," said Falman and Havoc agreed.

"You're willing to hurt him to achieve that end?" asked Fuery.

Havoc put a hand on my shoulder and sighed, "come on, man. If we can convince them of your totally real pain, they might just believe us- and isn't that better for Riza in the end?"

I nodded grudgingly, knowing that he wasn't just saying this to spite me anymore. "Fine, whatever…"

"You started taking Jaade and became addicted," finished Havoc. "We don't have to go any deeper than that- his pain will cover up for any gaps."

As we were all starting to feel more than just a little depressed, we decided to condense Fuery and Falman's stories into just a couple of sentences. The two of them were to be posing as cousins from the West, Kale and Vernon Francis, whose only family died in an earthquake when they were small- leaving them orphans. Their foster father became an addict when his wife left him and they managed to get into his stores.

Long story short- four desperate druggies with no other option.

Now only to find the people with the answers.

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"A visitor for you, Miss Hawkeye."

Riza looked up, expecting to see Winry or Gracia, but instead finding a young woman she had never met before. "May I help you?"

"You are Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"I am. Is there a problem?"

"My name is Hana, from the Investigations Department of the State Military."

Riza nodded silently, waiting for her to elaborate.

"I've been asked to interrogate you," said Hana.

"About what?"

"A certain drug called Jaade."

"What about it?" asked Riza, sitting up a little straighter.

"You've heard of it, then?"

"Briefly- I've heard that the military's trying to peg the manufacturers down in the East," she replied, "but that is all."

"Where did you hear this from?"

"A friend of mine used to work in Investigations, also- Maes Hughes." Riza's voice was hard, "why ask me anyway? My unit has nothing to do with it."

Hana gave her an odd look, "they've found traces of it in your blood," she explained.

Said blood ran cold. "I only know that it is dangerous," Riza said, looking down, "and that it messes with the central nervous system and the brain- something to do with heightening or dulling emotions."

"That's exactly it," said Hana, "and that's just about all we know. I'm sorry- I thought you would have been told."

"Well, I wasn't," said Riza, "nobody told me anything."

"We've sent another small unit to Eastern recently- we're hoping that this one will be successful in bringing us back some samples and shutting down operations there," said Hana, looking a little embarrassed. "I suppose you haven't been told this either, Lieutenant, but it was your unit sent- led by Colonel Mustang."

"I wasn't aware of that either… is there no way I can join them?"

"In your condition, no," said Hana. "I'm sorry but it's too dangerous."

"Hana! There you are! What did I tell you about running around unaccompanied- Oh! Riza!"

Riza looked up, "Maria?"

"I've been out of town- I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you were in the hospital or I would have visited! What happened? Is my sister bothering you?"

"Hana?" said Riza and Ross nodded.

"She's working in Investigations- and she's _running late_."

"Am not!" Hana protested.

Maria shook her head and sighed, "she's supposed to be talking to a woman forcibly injected with the Jaade drug in room 2-0…3…? Riza?"

Riza followed her friend's eyes over to the number on the door. 203.

"Rize! Are you okay?!"

"See!" said Hana, grumpily, "I'm _not_ in the wrong room."

"Apparently not," said Riza, shrugging.

"But she… you… _suicide_, Rize?!"

Riza lay back down, shaking her head tiredly, "I don't want to talk about it. You can ask Nurse Elanora for the whole story… or Colonel Mustang but your sister says he's on a mission."

"That's true… but have you any idea who could have done this to you?"

"None, I'm sorry… I worry about the Colonel, though. I've been thinking about it, and perhaps whoever did this wasn't out to get me… but him- as his first line of defence, anyone seeking to harm him would have a better chance with me out of the way."

"That may be the case," said a woman's voice from the door.

"Visiting hours are over, ma'am," Maria was quick to tell the young blonde, "we are here on official military business."

"So am I," said the woman, who couldn't have been older than thirty, thirty-five. "I am the Fuhrer Queen Miyelle on my own _official military business_."

The three young military women blinked and exchanged glances. Slowly, Maria brought her hand up to her forehead in a salute, Hana following close behind. The Fuhrer watched Riza expectantly. Several moments of tense silence passed before the First Lieutenant finished her silent examination of the woman in civilian clothes and saluted also.

"You are First Lieutenant Hawkeye, then?" Miyelle said, eventually.

Riza just nodded silently where she lay.

"I was visited the other day by a Ms Gracia Hughes, whose husband used to work in the Investigations Department."

"I know Ms Hughes," said Riza, ignoring the looks Hana and Maria were giving her- confused and disapproving- obviously noticing her tone, which bordered on insubordination.

"She spoke of you and the Flame Alchemist as though you were quiet dear friends," said Fuhrer Queen Miyelle.

"That is true also."

"She was adamant that the fraternization law be lifted."

Riza didn't reply. What Miyelle said was of no news to her, and the Fuhrer knew that it was not- she was alluding to something greater… but what? When she didn't go on, Riza nodded, "so I've heard."

"I agreed with her and lifted the law."

"..."

"She seemed to think that this would benefit you and the Flame Alchemist personally."

"Fuhrer Queen Miyelle, as the fraternization law has now been lifted, what goes on between your subordinates after hours is no longer any of your business."

Miyelle didn't seem surprised that Riza had answered her thus, in fact, she seemed almost amused, "I will forgive you that and accredit you non-compliance to your condition."

"I only mean to say," said Riza, a little more carefully, "that you have no official right to ask me about my personal life as it concerns the Colonel now that any conceivable relationship is beyond your jurisdiction."

The Fuhrer looked thoughtful for a moment, then bid Maria and Hana leave and continue their interrogation later. When the door closed, she drew up a chair beside the bed and waited as Riza dragged herself into a proper sitting position. "Are you honestly refusing to tell me the nature of your relationship with the Colonel on the grounds that it is not required of you?" she asked.

"I am."

"I don't know another of your like in all the military, Lieutenant." Her tone hinted at a slight admiration and Riza smiled.

"Really?" she said, "well, why don't you try asking Second Lieutenant Ross about Sergeant Brosh? Or Second Lieutenant Havoc about Private Sheska?"

"Hm? You think I would get a similar response? Interesting… still, it is mere curiosity that fuels my instance. Won't you tell me? I understand that you and the Colonel have known each other for many years."

"Almost twelve, Majesty."

"I knew my husband only two…"

"The Colonel was my father's apprentice before he died," a sad look passed briefly over Riza's stoic face, "then he had to go and join the military…"

"And you followed him?"

"He was all I had left- naturally, I wanted to protect him."

"And now you think he is in danger?"

"Yes, Majesty… all because he went to help me. If I'd known…"

"You wouldn't have let him go, would you?" asked Miyelle, smiling in a sad sort of understanding.

"Not without me."

Miyelle nodded compassionately, then sighed, "First Lieutenant, I am about to do something very foolish."

"Majesty?"

"Would you like to come with me to the East? I have some affairs to settle over there. Who knows, your Colonel might need the extra protection?"

Riza searched the Fuhrer's face uncertainly and found an oddly child-like gleam in her eyes. Smiling too, she nodded, "yes, thank you, Majesty. I would love to come."

-

**Dear Faithful Readers,**

**Ooh! I'm very excited! I've almost got 100 reviews for the first time ever- wanna help me achieve my goal? Then, REVIEW!! D**

**Xx-Rekka-xX**


	13. Desire

_**Note: I'm waking up at 4 to go to the airport tomorrow but I didn't want to go to sleep before putting up another chapter. You guys had better appreciate it- it's midnight and I still have to tidy up. I can see myself getting about 3 hours sleep tonight- 3 and a half if I'm lucky. Why don't you all make me feel better by reviewing, huh? Night all! –'Riss**_

**-**

**Chapter 13**

_**Maria's P.O.V.**_

The Fuhrer has been in there with Rize for several hours now. At first I wondered whether or not they'd jumped out the window together but now, with my ear pressed up against the door, I can hear that they're still talking. God, I'm spending way too much time with Denny if I've been reduced to eavesdropping again…

"So your husband is dead, then?"

"He died several years ago now," the Fuhrer replied, a little sadly. "I couldn't help him- that's why I want to help you."

Damn… if only I'd started listening earlier- what are they _planning?_

"Second Lieutenant," came the Fuhrer's voice a moment later and it took me a minute or two to realise that she was actually talking to me, "if you're going the listen, you might as well come in."

Embarrassed, but afraid to disobey her, I opened the door and walked in, saluting sharply and sitting down on the end of the bed as I was bid.

"Is your sister gone then?" asked Riza, who was sitting up, sipping a glass of water.

"Probably bugging one of the other patients," I said.

"Anything particularly important?" asked the Fuhrer.

"No, Lady."

"Then perhaps you'd both like to accompany First Lieutenant Hawkeye and myself to Eastern."

I looked over at Riza quickly, "she's not due to be discharged until the Colonel's return-"

"We've already established that Lieutenant Hawkeye's attackers might be going after the Colonel next and if that's true, then he needs the extra protection," said the Fuhrer. "Besides, if one of them dies… they should be together if it comes to that, don't you think?"

I looked over to Riza to see what she thought of it, but she was staring down at the blankets she was twisting in her lap soundlessly. "Rize?" She looked up and I smiled reassuringly, "you okay?" She nodded slowly and I knew she was restless. "Alright then, Lady- I'll find my sister. When can we leave?"

-

_**Hana's P.O.V.**_

"Hanny? You around here?"

Popping out of the room I had previously occupied, talking to a young girl with the measles, I stuck my chin in the air defiantly, "I'm not bugging anyone!"

"I know that," said Maria and she didn't look happy, "but we've been called out on a mission."

I immediately perked up, "ooh! What kinda mission?"

"We're travelling to Eastern with Riza- Lieutenant Hawkeye- and Fuhrer Miyelle."

My face fell again, "we're _escorts_," I said, my tone edging on disgust.

"I guess," said Maria. "We're going to keep an eye on the Colonel- you know, make sure he and his team are keeping out of trouble."

And once again- I bounced up. "You mean we get'ta watch the Flame Alchemist?!"

Maria gave me a slightly disapproving look, "yes- on a strictly professional basis. I won't have you throwing yourself at his feet like every other young female recruit. At the very least, it'll blow his cover, and that's dangerous." Then she added, as an afterthought, "besides, Riza likes him."

"How come Lieutenant Hawkeye gets dibs on him?" I huffed, "she's not even that pretty!"

"Hana!"

"Well it's _true_! And she's always threatening him! What's with _that_?! I'm sure she's only holding him back anyway!"

"Hana, stop that this instant!" Maria snapped.

"Or what? You'll call mom into this?" I retorted, glaring, "the fraternization law's been lifted- that means he's up for grabs. _Keep out of the way_."

"I will not be threatened by my _little sister_!"

"Your funeral," I snapped determinedly and turned to leave. "Oh, and _big sister_, tell the Fuhrer to expect me at the station. I'll be coming to Eastern."

-

_**Maria's P.O.V.**_

I watched my sister go in evident horror. _'That bitch,' _I found myself thinking vehemently._ 'How dare she speak of Riza's colonel that way? How can she even pretend to love him half as much as Riza does?! Urgh-!'_

"Are you alright, Maria?"

I looked up- I hadn't noticed that I had returned to Riza's room and now stood, a scowl on my face and hands clenched into fists, in her doorway. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head, "my mind was wandering."

"Is something bothering you?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, waving it off, "how are you feeling?"

"Normal," said Riza and she sounded sour all of a sudden. "I don't know why I'm confined to here. It's like they're just _waiting_ for me to have a relapse… I want to go back to work."

"We're leaving for Eastern tomorrow morning- everything will be okay then, right?" I said in an attempt to cheer her up, "you can keep an appropriate watch over your friends and the colonel, and even visit your grandfather. It'll make you feel better, I promise."

"Thank you, Maria."

"Hey, no problem," I said, feeling a little guilty.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

I put on a false cheery smile, "oh it's nothing!" I said brightly, "just, you know sisters, right?"

"No, I don't," said Riza, shaking her head, "but I hope that when you feel like you can tell me what _is_ bothering you, you'll come and tell me."

I blushed pink and nodded. "Well, since we're leaving tomorrow you should probably sleep now- get some energy up," I suggested vaguely.

"I can sleep on the train," she told me, shaking her head. "Can't we talk? It's so dull here."

I sat down obligingly and saw her smile in a very cheeky, un-Riza-like way.

"So," she said, "I've been meaning to ask you about Sergeant Brosh. How is he doing? Are the both of you taking advantage of the fraternization law being lifted or will you be waiting a few months before you announce your relationship?"

"Hey! You're just trying to get the focus off yourself!" I protested, blushing even more furiously, "what about you and Colonel Mustang, huh?"

Riza just smiled secretively and shook her head.

"Are you going to tell him that you like him?" I prompted.

"Actually, she told me," still smiling as though very far away, "I already have."

"And you didn't tell me?!"

Riza laughed a little, "no, I'm sorry- I didn't think to. Besides, we haven't had much time to talk- especially time without your sister or Fuhrer Miyelle."

"What do you think of her, anyway?" I asked. "Doesn't she seem a little young?"

"Edward Elric is much younger," Riza replied, shrugging.

"I suppose," I said, "but Edward Elric is under constant watch- poor thing- and _he_ is not running the country. Do you like her, though? She seems nice."

"She seems rather nosy," said Riza loudly and I wondered why for a moment before I heard the door open and Fuhrer Miyelle laugh merrily.

"You have a keen ear, Miss Hawkeye- did you really hear me giggling?" she said, coming in.

"A better question is how Second Lieutenant Ross did not," said Riza and she laughed too. "I thought I had expose you before she said something she'd regret- neither of you are all that great at eavesdropping, I'm afraid. You could both stand to take some tips from Sergeant Brosh."

"Sure he can _gather_ information," I sighed, "but whether or not he can keep it to himself is another matter entirely. _I_ am more talented in that area."

"Then you must make a great team," said Riza, grinning, and, had she not been confined to a hospital crib I might had punched her playfully. It was good to see my dear friend well and joking again. I didn't want to think of there being any chance at all of a relapse… but still, the trip to Eastern worries me. Seeing the Colonel is bound to make her emotional in her condition, and seeing my sister drooling after her is only going to make it worse… damn Hana- I'll just have to put on a calm front and keep an eye on her, won't I?

After all- I'm the big sister here.


	14. Comfort

**Chapter 14**

_**Roy's P.O.V.**_

We stayed our first night back in Eastern at General Grumman's home. He refused, to my men's delight, to let us stay in a hotel- deciding for us that our mission would start tomorrow at earliest. I knew he was worried to Riza and that he was venting through his hospitality- that was just his way. Besides, it gave him a few extra chess buddies.

I heard him moving downstairs once, during the night, around eleven. I was in bed in one of the guest rooms, though I'm sure the others were all playing poker in Havoc's. Still, I went downstairs and there he was, in his grey flannel pajamas, staring into the fridge as though hoping to find something other than food in there- Riza, maybe. I walked over and closed the fridge, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Mustang! Forgive me, my mind was elsewhere."

"Don't aplogise," I said. "You're worrying about Ri- the Lieutenant, aren't you?"

"I am, boy," Grumman admitted, "but, by all means, call her 'Riza'- it would make me feel better…" he paused a little before adding, "would you mind playing a few games of chess with me? I can't sleep."

"Yes, sir."

We went back upstairs, into his study and he reset the chess set. I guessed that he'd been playing with himself earlier.

"You know," he said, a couple of minutes into our game. "She came to my door a little before the incident seeming quite upset. She didn't so much tell me what had happened as I guessed- you told her you were in love with her?"

"I made her do what she did…"

"No, it was the drug that did that- you may have triggered the reaction but it was never your fault," Grumman's tone was sympathetic, even as he called checkmate and reset the game board. "It could have been anything- Hayate becoming ill, a particularly emotive case at work, someone close to her being injured- anything, boy. It was a good thing that you were there when you were- I was told that you redirected the bullet and for that I am in your debt."

"…" I tried to speak- to protest- but found that I couldn't.

"Even now," said Grumman, "you are risking your life and the lives of your men to find a way to cure her- even though she has told you many times, I believe, that she does not return your feelings."

I looked down and Grumman smiled.

"Ah, she's finally told you, then?"

"She's was half asleep…" I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Grumman laughed heartily at this, "don't worry, boy- my little Riza doesn't open her mouth if she doesn't know exactly what she's saying, besides, it's clear enough for anyone else to see that the two of you have been in love for many years now."

"Your granddaughter is an exceptional woman, sir."

"My offer for her hand in marriage still stands, you know?"

"I'd rather ask her myself some day- when she's ready, sir. I don't think her hand is exactly yours to give," I said.

"You're a good man, Mustang- I'll trust you and you alone with my dear Riza."

"Thank you for your faith in me, sir."

Grumman nodded easily, "check."

I moved my king out of check and we resuming talking. "I'll be happy with her just as her own self again."

"You love her very much," said Grumman. "I'm glad." Turning away from the game, he reached over to a box on a shelf behind him. It was silver and beautifully engraved- he opened it to reveal a smaller ring box, which he gave to me. "Please give this to my granddaughter, Mustang, when you ask her to marry you. It was the engagement ring I gave to her grandmother- it'll mean a lot to her."

"You know I can't give this to her right now, don't you?" I said, trying to push it back across the table.

"Keep it," said Grumman, closing my hand around it gently. "I trust that you'll find a way to restore her to normal- you can give it to her then."

"You trust me beyond what I deserve, sir."

"I know that you love Riza- anyone can see how strongly you feel about her. I know you won't let her down."

"Thank you, sir."

Grumman just smiled and nodded, "good boy… checkmate."

-

_**Narrative P.O.V.**_

"How are you feeling Riza," asked Maria, shaking her friend's shoulder gently.

They had boarded the train two hours ago but Riza hadn't said a word since then. Now, however, she looked up, "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm just thinking."

"About what?" asked Hana and Maria glared at her.

Riza just shook her head.

"Are you tired?" asked Miyelle and she shook her head again. "Because you can rest if you want?"

"I'm not tired."

"Havoc said that on long train rides you and Roy used to play games."

"He wasn't very good," said Riza, smiling a little.

"Want to play?" asked Maria but she declined and, instead, took her beloved FN Model 1910 out of her the black shoulder bag slumped at her feet, as well as the gun cleaning kit Roy had bought her for her last birthday. "You are way too obsessed with that gun," Hana noted and Maria kicked her sharply.

Riza chuckled a little and nodded, "maybe" she said, taking it apart in her lap and beginning the cleaning of it. "Thank you for returning my weapon to me, Fuhrer Miyelle- I was feeling quite bare without it."

"Miss Ross seemed to think it would cheer you up- you may thank her."

"Thank you, Maria," said Riza obligingly.

Maria just grinned and shook her head.

Riza spent the next three hours cleaning that gun and reassembling it, and Hana spent them watching in total boredom, "how do you _do_ that for so long?" she found herself moaning.

"Would you like me to show you again?" asked Riza, resting the gun in her lap, knowing that she wouldn't.

"Hmph!"

"Ignore my sister," said Maria, rolling her eyes, "she lacks the attention span to walk to the corner shop for milk."

"Bitch!"

"Am not!"

Riza sighed and exchanged a half-amused glance with Fuhrer Miyelle, who laughed. "Girls, quiet please. Quiet please," she commanded, and the sisters shut up, though still glaring at each other.

"You're just mad because you know I have a better chance at the Colonel than the Out Of Action sharpshooter," Hana hissed. It was only barely audible but Riza heard it. Pretending not to have, she turned to look out the window again, not wanting to have to admit that she was right.

"_Enough!_" said Miyelle loudly. "Miss Hawkeye, would you like to come and get a drink from the dining car with me? I don't think I can handle much more of these two for the time being."

Riza nodded silently and let Miyelle, who was ignoring the Ross sisters' fervent apologies, lead her out.

-

"Maybe it was a mistake bringing the two of them," said Miyelle when they were out in the corridor, "but both the young Miss Ross and her older sister are excellent soldiers and I am confident in their loyalty to the military, despite their incessant arguing."

"Siblings…" Riza mused, a mixture of emotions splashing over her face.

"Do you have any?"

"Well, not real ones… but growing up, Colonel Mustang was a sort of big brother to me. God knows we bickered in the same way. Father would always get so annoyed when he came into the study and saw that neither of us were working… and we'd usually find ourselves in tickle wars that ended in the most compromising positions- Grandfather laughed so hard when he walked in one day and found R-Mustang pushing me against the wall with my arms pinned above my head… Father was not amused…" Riza blushed, seeming to notice only then that she was still speaking aloud.

"You've always been close to him, haven't you?" said Miyelle, smiling.

"Almost as far back as I remember," said Riza, frowning a little. "He never liked my Father, but he respected him. I was the same way. He came into my room one day when I was nine and started ranting about all the work Father had given him to complete before he returned from his parents' house in the city. I laughed at him, but agreed to help and we became friends."

Having reached their destination, the two military women –the two _friends_- poured themselves glasses of orange juice and sat down in one of the booths in the dining car. Riza immediately turned towards the window.

"What are you looking for anyway?" asked Miyelle curiously.

Riza shrugged and dragged her eyes over to the Fuhrer across the table, "I don't know, Lady. Something familiar? On the rare occasion that Father tolerated our coming with him to the city, Roy and I would always be on our knees, looking out the windows. We'd go back and forth yelling out things that we saw starting with a certain letter… Animal, Bush, Cloud, Dodgy-old-man…" she smiled at the last one and Miyelle guessed it had been one of the Colonel's.

"You miss him a lot, don't you?"

"I don't know why this is happening, Lady… but if someone hurt Roy- hurt the Colonel because I wasn't there to protect him," Riza said, a sort of determined strength marking her even words, "I know I'd never be able to forgive myself."

"It wouldn't be your fault, Miss Hawkeye- you know it wouldn't."

"It would," said Riza knowingly, "and it would be me breaking my promise to watch his back. That idiot…" Riza took the FN 1910 out of her skirt pocket and stroked it gently, somewhat comforted by the feel of the cool metal beneath her fingers, "…why won't he let me protect him…?"


	15. Eastern Reunion

**Dear Faithful Readers- Please don't murder me for embracing my inner fluffiness at the end of this chapter. I couldn't resist!! -Rissy**

**Chapter 15**

_**Riza's P.O.V.**_

By the time we reached Eastern I was feeling much better. I was in uniform again and we were all set to check into the Headquarters there, Miyelle leading the way in that stately manner of hers. There was something about that woman that was different- I felt like I could talk to her. Sure, she was the Fuhrer, but she was trying to be more than that- I decided to trust her without much thought. Then again, maybe my agreeability has something to do with this Jaade drug- that's the hard part. I keep wondering which parts of me are actually _me_ and which parts are induced by this horrible nightmare that tried to end my life for me…

The moment we got off the train I started looking around for him… of course, Roy wouldn't even know we were here but still, I hoped for the off chance that I'd see him.

"My Fuhrer!"

I looked up at the familiar voice, "Havoc?"

"Lieutenant?!"

"Aren't you supposed to be undercover?" asked Miyelle disapprovingly, but still with a slight smile.

"Well, yeah, but-! Wait! What is Lieutenant Hawkeye doing here?! Is it really safe for her to be discharged?!"

I reached for my gun out of reflex, but Maria stopped me with a hand on my arm. I lowered my hand respectfully.

"We have reason to believe that whoever drugged Lieutenant Hawkeye is after Colonel Mustang," said Miyelle, looking at Havoc firmly. "Of course, I decided immediately that a small group should be sent as back up and the Lieutenant refused to be left behind."

"Havoc, where's the Colonel?" I asked.

"I dunno- I haven't seen him since this morning at the General's-"

"You saw my grandfather?"

"Uhh, yeah- small dude with grey hair? Weird obsession with chess and great-grandchildren?"

I had to strain herself to keep from rolling my eyes at the crude description, but nodded, "yes, that's him."

"Him and Mustang were up all night playing chess- me, I haven't got a wit of talent for it. The rest of us were playing poker." He paused and went a funny colour upon remembering that the young woman before him was the Fuhrer of the country and he was talking about playing poker on their big mission, but she only laughed.

"So what's the plan, Second Lieutenant?"

"Well," said Havoc, "Despite my rather crummy disguise, I am acting as a man called John Huntsman."

"Fuery name you?" I asked knowingly and Havoc nodded. The man had a habit for naming people after the first thing he saw- Last time he named me, I'd been Rachel Spork. Of course, it had been better than the time he'd called Roy, Richard Mouldy-Bread… Falman had insisted on changing that that one and he'd ended up as Richard Maddison. "Well, it's good to see you, Mr Huntsman."

Havoc grinned, "we probably won't get much done during the day, considering the types we're after, so we've all split up to ask around about dodgy characters. At nightfall, we'll go after anyone who catches our eye and hopefully get to play the desperate customer for a little."

"Sounds good to me. Fuhrer Miyelle, may I have your permission to seek out Colonel Mustang?"

"I think that would be wise," said Miyelle, nodding deeply. "The elder Miss Ross may accompany you."

"Yes, Lady-"

"I'll do it, Lady!" Hana volunteered eagerly and Maria glared at her, kicking her in the shins discretely.

"You may both go," said Miyelle, though she knew she'd regret the decision later.

Maria and Hana glared at each other but didn't complain. I shot Miyelle an 'are you quite sure abut this' look, but she just shrugged.

"Are they related?" asked Havoc in an undertone as the two of them started poking each other violently.

"How could you tell?" asked Miyelle dryly, and the three of us took a step or two back… eventually, though, Havoc left, Hana and Maria both tried to drag me in opposite directions and Miyelle remained to watch in amusement.

"Let's look this way first!"

"No way! _This_ way!"

"Nu-uh!!"

"Yeahhh!"

"I'm older!!"

"SO?!"

I looked around, sighing inwardly in exasperation, until my eyes fell upon another familiar face, hanging around the ticket booth, apparently deep in thought. I felt my heart rate pick up. Both sisters quit bickering as I darted off and turned around with somewhat comical expressions on their faces as I ran up behind Colonel Mustang and clasped my arms suddenly around his middle, causing him to jump.

"…The Hell-?!"

"You idiot, I was worried about you!" I chided him, voice shaking a little as I buried my face in his back, just glad to be able to feel him.

"Ri…za…?" Roy turned around in my arms and shook his head. "How the Hell did you get here?"

I stepped back and saluted, eyes hardening a little in fierce determination, "it's not important, sir. First Lieutenant Elizabeth Hawkeye, reporting for duty."

"Riza, don't be stupid," said Roy gripping my wrist tight enough that it was beginning to hurt. "What can you mean by coming out here?"

"I'm here to help with the mission, sir." I said, as though it were obvious.

"The hospital discharged you?"

"The Fuhrer herself did," I said, deciding not to mention that she'd done it against the wishes –even, knowledge- of the nurses.

Roy stared at me deeply for a moment, with a look on his face that suggested intense inner turmoil, before bringing his arms around my waist and pulling me into a tight, desperate embrace. "I don't know what they've been telling you," he muttered into my soft, white neck, "but it's not safe for you to be here, the way you are now."

I draped my arms around his neck to keep him there, immediately dropping my 'perfect soldier' act and ruffling his fluffy black hair affectionately, "they told me everything they know," I said. "And I don't _care_."

"Well, I do," said Roy. "Now please, go and find whoever you came with and ask them to take you to your Grandfather's."

"I can't do that, sir- I came to protect you like I promised," I told him, only tightening my arms around his neck and bringing my face a little closer.

"Riza… Riza, I don't want to, but if it means keeping you safe, I _will_ have you court martialled."

"And what would your case against me be, sir?"

"Fraternization. At the very least, it'll get you transferred away from me while we find a way to help you," said Roy without hesitation.

I leaned forward to kiss him on the lips defiantly, "didn't Gracia tell you that the law's been lifted?"

"Wha-?" Roy took a moment to regain himself here. "…Be that as it may-!"

"Sir, can't you just forget all of this drama for a while?" I asked, my tone closer to pleading than would have liked. "If it weren't for whoever the damn hell drugged me, you'd _expect_ me to serve with you. And besides- who could better play a woman on drugs, than a woman on drugs?"

"Damn, Riza, I really hate your logic," Roy muttered, kissing at the tender flesh of my neck longingly.

"Mmm-hmm," I said, shivering as he took a small nip at me with his teeth. "So you'll let me stay?"

"Well, even like this, you still put forward a better case than I could ever come up with..."

"Of course," I said triumphantly and I kissed him on the mouth, harder than before, closing my eyes and pressing myself against him. God knows I needed it- he was _safe_. I'd been so worried that I'd be too late… that I couldn't protect him… "Roy," I whispered on something of an impulse, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Riza," he growled back, capturing my lips again with his. One hand came to support the back of my head, while the other rested at my waist and I moved my own hands up into his hair. His tongue parted my lips and I opened then wider to allow him free reign over my mouth, moaning as softly as I was able as his tongue found mine. Roy heard and I felt the corners of his lips twitch slightly into a smirk as we kissed. Intent on bringing an equally embarrassing sound from his lips, I ground my hips against his and chuckled at the ensuing groan that tore itself from his throat. Roy pulled me closer up against him and spun me around to slam me back against the side of the ticket booth behind us and a small whimper escaped me as he delved deeper into my mouth. Not to be outdone, I slipped my hands between us and began to play with the edge of his civilian shirt sensually. Grabbing my hands, he dragged them up and pinned them against the wall above my head with his own.

A slew of incredible noises issued from us both as the kiss deepened until finally he pulled his head away and released my arms to bury his face in my neck and whisper breathlessly, "Riza, if you don't want to force me to strip and fuck you in the middle of this train station, I think we'd better stop now."

I blushed at his comment and gave him a cheeky kiss on the nose just as I noticed the presence of someone standing behind him.

"Had enough fun playing with your Colonel yet, Miss Hawkeye?"

"Lady Miyelle!" I shoved Roy off of me, but regained myself as I saw that the Fuhrer was smiling. "I wasn't playing," I said eventually. "I was negotiating."

"She put forward a fantastic case," said Roy, slipping his arm around my waist. I slapped it away.

"Roy, this is Fuhrer Miyelle- Lady, you know the Colonel."

Miyelle grinned as Roy's mouth dropped open.

"Fu-Fuhrer?"

"Yes- are you surprised?"

Roy shook his head, eyes wide and pressed his lips shut, saluting immediately.

I looked beyond Miyelle and saw two contrasting expressions on the sisters' faces- Maria was beaming profusely, while Hana seemed to have an aura of vehement hatred about her, seemingly murderous.

"Good," said Miyelle, nodding crisply. "Now, Miss Hawkeye, have you decided what you're going to do?"

"Fuhrer Miyelle, Lady, I'd like to request permission to join Colonel Mustang on his mission," I said, without hesitation.

"Colonel Mustang?"

"I have no objections, Fuhrer."

"Very well," said Miyelle easily. "It's settled. Have you any need of the two Miss Rosses?"

"No, Lady."

Miyelle frowned and leaned forward slightly to whisper in Roy's ear, "won't you _please_ take _one_ of them? I can't stand their arguing a moment longer."

Sure enough, a little way off, Maria and Hana were fighting again.

"As you wish," said Roy, and he formally requested Maria's company.

"I am in your debt, Colonel," said Miyelle thankfully.

Roy saluted again and the Fuhrer left with Hana, who was still looking sour and Maria bounced over to us happily. Greeting Roy with a quick salute before turning to me and giggling.

"Did you see the look on Hana's face when you two started making out?" she choked merrily. Roy and I looked at each other, then at Maria, who immediately shut up and offered us a sheepish grin. "So, guys… what's the plan?"


	16. Fast Train to Central

**DFR: Sorry updating is taking so long. Life's a bitch that way- I'm totally weighed down with school ( Luv, Ri-chan**

**Chapter 16**

Four hours brought them to the platform of the 9 PM train from Eastern to Central, following their fifth supposedly-suspicious civilian that evening- the first four being complete duds. Roy groaned as they boarded the train behind him. Did _everybody_ in Eastern look like they had a hidden agenda or was it just him? This target, however, appeared to be on mark, because he walked into a toilet, flushed, and stepped right off the train. Okay, so there was no concrete proof, but who buys a train ticket to use the dirty bathroom when there are public toilets at the station?

Mustang nodded sharply. "Ross, check if he's left anything in the toilet. Hawkeye and I will follow the suspect."

"But, sir!" Maria protested, straightening the flowery purple top of her civilian garb. "What am I supposed to do when the train starts moving?!"

"If than man has stowed something there, then there'll be someone on the other end- or even here- waiting to pick it up. I want you to apprehend any suspicious characters. Return when you can- send a radio signal if you get into trouble."

Maria hesitated then nodded, "yes, sir!"

"Hawkeye, follow me quickly."

Riza saluted, also out of uniform now, and placed her hand in Roy's, smiling a little. His story had been tweaked a little –read: completely made over- to accommodate her, and now they were acting as a couple from Central, whose low-income jobs had recently fallen through, and who were looking for a job trafficking drugs to pick up some cash. It suited them well enough- in the military, even now, public displays of affection were a luxury no other couple could afford. Being undercover as a pair would definitely have its advantages.

The suspect Roy and Riza were tailing was a short character wearing a tall hat and a long brown coat- perhaps trying to hide his identity as much as possible, or perhaps just seeking to look taller.

Sadly, this lead also seemed to be a dead end on the drug case. It took three hours, but when the young man finally removed his hat, it turned out to be none other than Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Edward?"

He turned around. His hair had been dyed black and folded out of sight, but to the sharp-eyed Lieutenant he was still quite easily recognizable. His eyes widened slightly but, seeing that she was also in civilian clothes, he refrained from using her title when he spoke to her. "Miss Riza?!"

"What are you doing here?"

Roy and Riza sat down across from him in the booth he had chosen in the next-to-empty milk bar (which was odd in itself, considering his loathing of the stuff) and Roy groaned loudly. He had every right to be irritated- the guy they'd been tailing all night wasn't a criminal; rather, a very strange kid with an irrational distaste for milk. That'd be a magnificent help in the case. Really.

"Me? What are _you two _doing here?" Ed retorted indignantly.

"Fullmetal, we aren't the ones skulking around train stations at night in top hats and travel coats," said Mustang, and he couldn't help but sound annoyed.

"Then how'd you know where I've been?"

"We're on a mission," Riza explained quietly, so that no one other than them would hear it. "I'm guessing by your clothing and location that you are too- but what exactly were you doing on that train?"

"I dunno exactly," said Ed, turning his full attention on Riza and completely ignoring Mustang, as per usual. "I came here when Ms Hughes called me about you being in hospital and then going missing, Miss Riza. She reckoned you'd have come here after the colonel but when I got off the train this dude comes up to me and asks if I want to earn a little money and I figure what can it hurt? So here I am."

"What exactly did this man ask you to do?" asked Riza.

Edward had to think for a while before answering this one, "well… he didn't speak English very well- I hardly understood. I'm pretty sure what he said was to deliver a package to someone called Jade and she'd give me money that I should send to him. I met up with her a little while ago. He also said that if I reckoned I was being followed to shake any pursuers off at the station by using a bathroom on a train there and getting off straight after- he said he'd be on board the 397 to Central and he'd take care of anyone who tried to check out to bathroom too much. I thought that was odd, but for 700,000 cenz I wasn't going to complain, was I? Anyway-" He paused, put off that Roy and Riza were no longer listening to his story but glancing at each other worriedly. "What?"

"Edward, you didn't deliver anything to a woman named Jade," said Riza hesitantly and before Edward even had a chance to look confused, Roy had exploded at him.

"You idiot!" he yelled, drawing the undivided attentions of the few people in the milk bar so late at night. "You've just been-!!" He paused and forced himself to calm down when he felt Riza's smooth hand on his arm and saw her watching him severely. "…"

"Let's discuss this back at headquarters," she suggested firmly, and neither man protested.

-

20 minutes later, in the Headquarters of the Eastern Branch of the Amestrian Armed Forces, in an underused conference room, Riza was calmly explaining to Edward about her condition.

"I was in hospital before because of an attempt at suicide brought on by the forced injection of a drug called Jaade, do you understand?" she said quietly, as thought talking to a child. "It's a form of hallucinogen that we still know very little about, but it seemed to alter my perception of things and enhance my emotions to a painful degree…" she paused here, her voice growing slightly choked as she tried her best to explain it objectively. Roy's hand stroking her knee under the table helped her to compose herself enough to go on. "My condition is now much better than it was before, but until we find out more about the drug itself, we cannot devise a cure for it. Colonel Mustang and his team came here to try to obtain a pure sample of the drug for testing and I followed. We've been tailing suspicious characters and when we saw you, we immediately shifted our attentions to you. In the end our lead was valuable, but not in the way we'd hoped of expected."

"I don't get it," said Ed bluntly, folding his arms across his chest defensively. "I'm no druggie."

"Edward…" said Riza, wondering how exactly to put it plainly. "We believe that the foreign man you spoke with was not talking about a woman called Jade, but the drug itself, which was probably contained within the package you delivered this evening."

A low growl escaped Roy's throat and Riza suddenly didn't have the energy to keep his temper down any longer. "Thanks to your idiocy, Fullmetal Shrimp, 2nd Lieutenant Maria Ross is most likely in the custody of a drug trafficker on a fast train to Central right now!!"

"How was I supposed to know she'd go into the bathroom after me?!"

"She was sniffing out the drugs you were transporting!"

"I don't have to take this from you, you Bastard!"

"Yes you fucking do! I'm-!"

"Both of you be quiet!" Riza snapped eventually, a vein throbbing painfully in her head. Noting this, Roy immediately quietened and moved his hand back down to rub her knee soothingly, but she slapped it away. "Now let me think!"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, are you okay?" asked Ed nervously, still trying to process the whole 'suicide' thing, and fearing she was going to take another crack at it.

"I'm fine," said Riza, rubbing her head. "Now, Edward, how were the goods packaged? Do you think they could have left any residue on your clothing?"

"It was sealed pretty tight," Ed admitted.

"We should still get it tested. You said the train was a 397 to Central, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Mustang, I want you to call Major Armstrong and have him put together a team to intercept it and-" Riza stopped again, her pounding head only getting worse. "And-" A small moan escaped her lips unbidden and she found she couldn't concentrate hard enough to find an ending for her sentence.

"Riza? Riza, are you alright?"

"I'm… fine… Just a little stressed, I promise." Said Riza, her voice badly strained.

Moments later she was excused from saying anything further on the subject by a desperate knock at the door, and then Havoc bursting through.

"2nd Lieutenant, what is your condition?" asked Roy, standing up quickly.

"Sir, thank God I've found you! You'd better hurry- the team's gathering at the train station right now!" Havoc was panting heavily and sounded as though he'd been running for a very long time. "You too, Hawkeye; Fullmetal. We've just received a Class A distress signal from 2nd Lieutenant Ross. She's in trouble!"

Ed was on his feet in an instant, "let's go then! No way is she getting hurt because of my foolishness!"

Havoc may not have understood exactly how it was his fault, but he nodded approvingly, "good show, Ed. Let's move out."


	17. Plans for the Night

**A/N. You can blame the angst in this chapter on me trying absolutely **_**everything**_** (including the mental writing of crummy fanfiction) to get a High School Musical 2 song out of my head in the shower this morning. Sorry that I haven't updated in so long and, as usual, I'd like to plead with you to please please please spare my life! --Riss**

**Chapter 17**

It was early morning –_very_ early morning- when Havoc, Roy, Riza and Ed arrived back in Central City, but the police station was still crowded with military personnel. Major Armstrong, among the group, was the first to spot them, hurrying over with tears in his eyes and not a single sparkle in sight.

"Oh!" He cried passionately. "I fear that dear Lieutenant Ross is in grave danger and we have absolutely no leads at all!"

"Did you intercept the train like I asked you to?" asked Riza.

Armstrong nodded the affirmative tearfully, "they must have slipped past the check points!"

Roy's jaw tightened considerably but he didn't say anything.

"Stop all trains leaving the city- you have the authority from Colonel Mustang to do that. Also, call for all of the city gates to be closed. We want to keep the dealers and Maria Ross within Central City, do you understand?"

"Do you authorize this command, Colonel Mustang?"

Roy looked surprised, as though the major didn't even have to ask. "Of course," he said, and Armstrong saluted and ran off.

"I guess we're back to square one," said Riza.

"That's not true," Roy told her, shaking his head. "We have the upper hand now that this is _our_ city. He'll have to set up a trade elsewhere- somewhere loud, with a lot of people, where he won't be given a second glance. The meeting place will be somewhere quiet and dark- maybe down some alleyway or something."

"The fact is, though," said Riza. "That while we know the city well, we can't keep him here by force for long- people will start complaining that the trains aren't running and the city gates have been closed off. We'll have to find the place he's setting up the trades from and get him- tonight."

Roy smirked and walked over to a nearby payphone purposefully. He picked it up and dialled back the East City HQ. "I'm looking for Sergeant Major Kain Fuery," he said. "No, I will not hold- this is an emergency involving the wellbeing of a Lieutenant in the Central City branch of the military. Well, go and _find_ him! And when you do, tell him that Colonel Mustang wants him to check out all recent admissions to hotels, motels, pubs and inns within the immediate vicinity of Central City train station. He's looking for a man and a woman. The woman is Second Lieutenant Maria Ross- Yes, I _know_ that Ross isn't there! She's been kidnapped! Are you listening? God! Just tell him that, and then tell him to call Havoc with the suspects so he can get a team together- What? No! _Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc_. Central City HQ. 9473 6729! _YES!_ Okay? _Goodbye!_"

Riza approached the Colonel again as he slammed down the phone.

"I swear that that secretary was _trying_ to deter me!"

"Calm down, sir," said Riza, then, remembering that they were in civilian clothes, changed her mind. "…Roy. Anyway, while you were on the phone I was asking around for places that fit the description I gave a little while ago of a possible place for the criminal to set up business temporarily. Almost all of the people I asked gave me the same place. The Warehouse."

"You aren't seriously telling me that we are going to look for the Lieutenant in some old abandoned warehouse are you? That is so far beyond clichéd that it's not even funny."

Riza just shook her head. "No. 'The Warehouse' is a new club that just opened a couple of blocks away, on 21st Street. Apparently it has quite a reputation already and most of the civilians tend to steer away from there. I did, however, get advised by a group of drunken teenagers who claimed to have been there the night before, that it was the 'absolute best place to find a really good prostitute.'"

Roy crinkled up his face in disgust. "Well it's definitely a place to start, but it's early morning- there won't be anyone there who isn't completely and utterly stoned right now."

"You're right," Riza agreed. "But we can't hold the trains up forever- if we do, the crook will know that we're onto him and won't come out of hiding."

"And, no matter how good the kid is, it's probably best not to rely on Fuery's hacking skills when he's so far away and really has such a vague idea of what he's actually looking for."

"So what's your plan, Colonel? I'm happy to follow your orders on this one."

Roy thought for a moment and then nodded. "We'll continue monitoring the people who enter and leave the city, but we'll open transportation again. Hopefully the crook will either decide that it's too risky to leave right now, or be caught leaving."

"Do you want me to give the order, sir?"

"Go ahead- I'm going to call again and make sure that that ditzy secretary got a hold of Fuery like I asked her to."

They nodded and Roy left.

Riza made to go and talk to the higher-ups on the scene about Roy's decision, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"Hiya, Pretty."

Riza turned around, jerking her right shoulder a little so that the man's hand fell to his side. He was tall with dark hair and an exotic looking face and he was grinning at her widely. "Excuse me?"

"What's a delicate flower like you doing talking with all of these military bastards?" He leaned closer and Riza smelled alcohol on his lips.

"My boyfriend is in the military," she replied haughtily.

"Colonel Mustang?"

Riza blinked in surprise.

"He's the one yelling into the phone over there, isn't he?" said the man, pointing.

Riza nodded slowly. "Yes, that's him."

"I heard he's a complete bastard."

"Sometimes," said Riza, agreeing for the sake of it and glancing over her shoulder for a way out- somehow, he'd gotten her boxed into a corner and she didn't like it. She could always scream, but no one would ever respect her quite as much again. Riza touched at her thigh briefly and was glad to find that she could feel her holster there.

"You know, you could make a fortune off that body of yours down at The Warehouse, Sugar."

"What if I don't want the money?" asked Riza, her breath catching softly.

"I manage the place," said the drunk. "So I've got wind of some pretty hot _business_ coming in tonight- reckon you'd want a piece of that?"

She played coy. "Business?"

He leaned even closer and she had to force herself not to breath in his disgusting stench, taking quiet shuddering breaths through her mouth when she needed to. "Drugs, Hunny. Narcotics- Depressants, Stimulants, Hallucinogens… I reckon you could get about 500g of their most expensive stuff for hitting it with the guy who's coming- Toni. At least, you can if you're a virgin, which, judging by the look on your face, I'd say that you are."

"And what if I said that I was interested?" asked Riza, head spinning as the man's smell began to really get to her.

The man grinned broadly and backed off a little, digging into his pockets for a sheet of paper and finally coming out with one. Meet me at this address at 9, this evening. Wear something cute, but without a lot of buttons- the guy's not exactly a genius. There's a storage room at the back that we're using for the exchanges, but you'll have to go and meet Toni in room 14 first, right?" His yellow-toothed grin grew even wider. "Hope to see you soon, Babe."

He disappeared quickly and Riza looked up, breathing heavily, to see that Roy was approaching and looking concerned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the man she had just spoken to was still nearby- watching, and probably listening too.

"Are you okay?" Roy asked. "Who was that man?"

"Just some guy I knew in college," said Riza, loud enough for him to hear. "I haven't seen him in a while. Are you ready to go?"

"Uhm, yeah- I guess."

"Good, because I want an ice-cream." Riza latched onto his arm and lead him out, smiling widely and letting the man think that she was that simple.

-

"Are you sure that you're feeling okay?" asked Roy as they sat down at the ice-cream parlour with their treats. "You've been acting odd since we left the train station."

Riza looked around and, satisfied that the man was no longer in sight, she told Roy what had gone done between them. His immediate reaction was shock, then fury.

"Riza Hawkeye, there is _no way_ I'm letting you sell your body for drugs!"

"Calm down, Roy- people are staring," Riza sighed. "I'm not actually going to do it, okay? He said that the guy was none too smart. I'll just walk in there in something slinky, shoot him through the head and walk out and, drunk as the manager is, he'll think that the screaming was him reaching orgasm or something."

Roy shuddered inwardly. "Riza, I don't care what you say- these men are dangerous!"

"But they have the drugs that can save my life, Roy!" Riza cried in retaliation. "I need to know exactly how much of what I'm feeling is real and how much is just me being _stoned_- can you understand that?"

"You think the way that we feel for each other is nothing but the influence of drugs?"

Riza shook her head. "I didn't say that-"

"But you meant it!" said Roy, standing up suddenly. "You're just waiting for your 'better judgement' to kick in-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Roy! Look, just sit down again and-"

"I'm going home, _Lieutenant_. You have fun tonight, but don't blame me if the bastard goes after your throat."

Riza stared, tears springing to her eyes as he began to walk away. "Roy! Roy, for God's sake, come back!" She wanted to run after him but her legs wouldn't move- she was frozen where she sat as though the whole world was on fast forward and she was working in half time. All she could do was watch in horror as her reason for living walked straight out the front door. The bell jingled merrily as that door slammed shut behind him, and then there was complete silence. Ignoring the eyes on her, Riza stood up slowly and, with a mind suddenly blank and empty of emotion, she too left the parlour.


	18. The Warehouse

**Chapter 18**

"For God's sake, Roy… Pick up the damn phone…" Riza muttered to herself as she glanced up at the clock on her living room wall. It was getting late and she'd called him six times already. Maybe he actually _wasn't_ home… Slamming the phone down in frustration as she got the answering machine for the now _seventh_ time that evening, Riza sighed loudly before deciding that it was probably time to go. She took a moment to check that all of her guns her concealed properly (no mean feat considering just how little of her was covered at all by the short and painfully revealing outfit she had chosen for this mission) before taking one last look at the clock and leaving the house.

'_I will NOT let my feelings for Roy get in the way of this mission. Both Maria's life, and mine, are at stake!'_

-

It took Riza about half an hour to walk to The Warehouse but she was still early. After ordering an orange juice from the bar (and paying very close attention to what was actually going into it) she decided to look around. The main room was crowded as hell and loud music was thumping out over humongous speakers at the side of the stage. She saw a couple of empty cages hanging overhead and screwed up her face in disgust, wondering vaguely when the dancers were going to clock in.

"Heya, sweet stuff," came a deep and oddly familiar voice and Riza turned around, ready to shoot the guys balls off.

Her eyes widened as she saw who it was, "Roy!" She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "Roy, I'm so sorry for what I said- I didn't mean it like that, I promise!" She doubted that Roy could actually hear her over the commotion but he was hugging her back, which had to be a good sign. He kissed her gently and she smiled against his mouth for a moment before pulling away as the alarm on her watch (**AN// Yes, she has one, lol**) went off. It was 5 to 9. "I'm sorry, I have to go now."

He caught her arm as she tried to leave. "Riza, I'm still not happy about this."

"I'll be fine," Riza reassured him, her mouth close to his ear to compete against the noise. "I'll go upstairs and take the dealer into custody and then go down and claim the drugs off of the manager before taking him in too. If anything goes wrong I'm well armed, okay?"

"We know where the deal's going down- can't we just grab the guy down there?"

"We don't know what will happen if we do," said Riza. "It's best if we can control as many variables as possible. Besides, we're here for information on Maria's whereabouts too."

"…Where does this guy want to meet you?"

"Room 14," said Riza. "I was looking around before and it's just down the hall."

"Can I wait outside in case something happens?"

"I promise to call for you if I need help," Riza agreed, nodding as she pulled away.

"Okay, then- you should go now if you really have to."

"Thank you, Roy," said Riza. "I love you, alright?"

"Right. You too."

Riza smiled at him gently and walked off down the hall, not even hesitating as she strode confidently into the room that belonged to the drug dealer.

"Ah, you must be tonight's _entertainment_," was the greeting she received as she did.

The speaker was a large, bulky man and Riza suddenly began weighing up her odds in hand-to-hand combat if she were to lose the advantage of her guns. They weren't good. Still, she reassured herself with the fact that Roy was standing outside just waiting for her to call.

"That I am," she whispered sensually. "You're Toni, right?"

"That's right," said the man. "What's your price for… hmm… well, how good's your stamina?"

Riza shifted all of her weight to one hip and smiled sensually. "I fuck like a weasel, _sir_."

"Not a virgin then…" he said, frowning. "Still, you obviously know what you're doing. So how about it? You up for five hours service?"

"I'm up for _anything_."

Toni grinned widely. "Name your price, then."

"I don't want cenz," said Riza, walking forward a few steps and putting her hands on his shoulder, brushing her hips against his briefly. "I came to you because I heard that you could furnish me with the _goods_."

-

Ten minutes later Riza was outside again, grinning in triumph. "I told you that I could do it," she told Roy, who was leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for her.

"Damn, Riza. Have you any idea how horny you've made me just by listening? I shudder to think what you were doing to that guy with your body."

Riza smiled, blushing a little. "I really didn't do a lot at all, so you needn't be _jealous_. It was easy since the guy was drunk off his head anyway. I've restrained him- have you got anyone on standby to pick him up?"

"Havoc and Breda are over at the bar- they have a car waiting outside," said Roy.

"Good," said Riza, nodding. "He wanted me for five hours, though, so I can't claim the drugs until then."

"That man is so sick," said Roy, glaring at the closed door evilly.

Riza smirked. "Well it's a damn good thing that he is, or this wouldn't have worked."

"Hey, Hawkeye! Mustang! You guys got the man?" called Havoc as he and Breda approached.

"He's in there," said Roy, gesturing towards the door Riza had just come out of.

"Good job, we'll take him outside."

"Try not to draw too much attention to yourselves," Riza warned.

The two men nodded and left. When they were gone, Riza took Roy's arm and pulled him into the room.

"What?" he asked, surprised.

Riza walked over and sat down on the bed silently, removing her shoes easily before climbing under the covers and shifting to make herself more comfortable as she lay down. "If someone comes looking there should be someone in here, right? An empty room could make our entire mission come to nothing. Come and lie down- we have five hours free before we have to be anywhere."

Roy hesitated slightly before walking over to join her, also disposing of his shoes before climbing into bed. "Would you like to rest for a while," he asked, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear gently as they lay on their sides, facing each other. "I'll wake you up when it's time."

"I'm fine."

A few moments passed in silence, then-

"I'm sorry for what happened to you, Riza, but it's almost over, I promise," said Roy, touching his nose to hers softly.

"I'm glad. Thank you… for coming all this way with me, I mean."

"It's a new experience for me, at least," said Roy, brushing it off. "I get to be the one protecting you for once."

Riza edged closer to him slowly and his arms came around to encircle her back. Burying her head in his chest, she breathed in deeply, closing her eyes.

"This has been so hard on you, hasn't it, Riza…" said Roy, resting his chin on her head. It wasn't a question. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising," said Riza firmly. "Like you said, it's almost over. I'll be fine- we both will."

"Yeah, okay… No matter what happens, I love you, okay?"

"I love you too, Roy. Dearly."

The couple shared a brief kiss and, without meaning to, fell asleep in each other's arms.

-

"Riza. Riza, wake up. It's time to go and nail that guy."

Riza opened her eyes slowly. "Roy it's two in the morning," she moaned, glancing at the clock on the side-table sleepily.

"Exactly."

Riza blinked the sleep out of her eyes and sighed deeply before standing up and heading over to the mirror on the other side of the room, fluffing her hair up slightly, undoing a few buttons and just generally dishevelling her appearance. "Okay, let's go."

-

"You wait outside again while I secure the drugs."

"Okay…"

"I promise I'll call if I get backed into a corner."

"You had better."

"Love you."

"Yeah, you too."

-

"Well if it isn't the little girl from the train station," said the manager, grinning from the seat behind his desk. "Where's Toni."

"Sleeping," said Riza breathlessly (or feigning so). "It's possible that I put him into a coma…"

"You must be really good," said the manager, smirking. "Wanna give me a quick screw for some extra dope?"

"Actually, I'm just here for the 500 grams of Jaade I'm owed," said Riza firmly.

"You sure? I pay well for a good fuck."

"Just what I'm owed," Riza repeated.

"Damn, you're no fun," he grumbled, taking a briefcase from the floor near his feet and opening it. He took out one of many packets and handed it to her. "This is it- the pure stuff. Is that all I can get you?" He began to run off a list of prices (in both cenz and sexual favours) but Riza didn't pay him any mind, instead she just stepped forward and drew her gun confidently, slipping the packet of white powder into the holster in its place.

"What the-?"

"First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye," she said, by way of a proper introduction as she held him in the sights of her gun. "Don't move."

Far from being intimidated, the manager of The Warehouse just grinned. "That would explain the hot body- you're a military chick." He drew a gun of his own and aimed it at her. "I suppose Toni's not really sleeping, is he?"

"The dealer has been taken into custody for questioning on the disappearance of a co-worker as well as for the production and marketing of illicit drugs," Riza explained, her voice hard and her eyes narrow as the two of them stood like that- guns aimed directly at each other's heads.

There was silence for a moment, then the manager shot at the wall behind her head, spurring Roy into action outside. The next shot was aimed at the door, just as it opened to reveal the colonel.

There was no time to duck out of the way. Roy doubled over in shock and pain as the bullet burrowed into his chest, maybe just a little too far to the right of his heart to be considered a perfect shot. A few moments later he was on his knees, clutching a hand to his breast as blood began to seep through the white of his shirt, staining a sinister murky red.

"_Roy!"_


	19. Desperation

_**AN// I finished this last night around 3 in the morning when I was done studying and I thought I'd put it up for you guys, even though I promised no fanfiction! Enjoy!! –Rissy**_

-

**Chapter 19**

"Maria! Maria, are you okay?!"

"Damn you, Denny, don't jostle me! That arm is broken!"

Maria was shaking, though from pain or relief she had no idea.

"Maria?"

"I'm fine, Denny," she told him, even though she wasn't, and he hugged her again, this time being mindful of the many injuries she had sustained.

"Thank God… Wait! What's wrong! You're crying!"

Maria pulled back and wiped the offending tears away quickly. "I'm fine!" she repeated.

"…What'd that bastard do to you?" asked Denny after a short pause and his voice was a low growl.

"What do you _think_ he did, Denny?" Maria replied in a voice that was probably supposed to sound annoyed, but came out weak and scared.

"Well, it's okay now, 'Ria, I promise. Let's get you home and I'll clean you up, okay?" he said, gentler now.

"O-okay… Did you come here alone?"

"Breda is waiting outside in the car and Havoc is checking out the rest of the apartment right now," Denny explained. "But don't worry, we've already apprehended the criminal."

"You- You have?" asked Maria hopefully and she hiccoughed.

"Yeah- Lieutenant Hawkeye and Colonel Mustang caught him," said Denny. "Apparently Hawkeye was dressed as a prostitute- Havoc said that it was hilarious but Breda was still drooling with a sort of absent look in his eyes when I last saw him."

"If that why you left him in the car?"

"Mostly," Denny agreed, then he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her unbroken one around his shoulders. "We should go now, okay?"

Maria nodded slowly and let her partner lead her out of the building.

-

"So how are you feeling, Maria?"

"Denny, I'm not sick," she replied, frowning as she looked around her at the seven or so extra pillows on her bed, two extra blankets (and another three folded on the bedside table, just in case) and the bowl of chicken soup he was holding out to her.

"I know," said Denny, blushing a little. "It's just that I've been so worried about you… Maybe I'm taking this a little far…"

"Just a little," Maria agreed, piling the extra blankets on the floor and six of the seven pillows on top of them.

"Sorry about that. Hungry?"

Maria took the bowl of soup from him gratefully- she was starving. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Not yet," Denny admitted.

"Go and get something from the kitchen," she told him. "I don't mind waiting."

Denny blushed again and then left quickly.

Three or four minutes later he returned with a hastily put together sandwich, that he hadn't even been bothered to cut and moved to sit on the chair at her desk on the other side of the room.

"Denny, don't sit all of the way over there," Maria reprimanded him as he did, and she shifted over to sit on one side of her bed, indicating for him to join her.

Denny stood up hesitantly and removed his shoes before doing as she said.

They ate in silence and when they were both finished, Maria lay down and pulled Denny down beside her, curling into a ball and leaning her cheek against his chest.

"'Ria, that can't be comfortable," he said uncertainly, referring to his jacket and the many buttons and folds that were being pressed into her face.

"So take it off," said Maria without hesitation, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

"O-okay…" said Denny, blushing lightly.

Maria released her hold on him and he removed his jacket before bringing his arms around her tentatively. She hugged him back.

"Night, Denny."

"…"

"Denny?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" asked Maria, genuinely mystified as to what he could be apologising for.

"For not being there to protect you," he replied sadly.

"No, no. Don't you go pulling a 'Hawkeye' on me! It wasn't your fault!"

Denny didn't reply.

"Come on, if it was anyone's, then it was Edwards, but I'm not even mad at him, okay?"

Silence.

Maria leaned up to kiss him firmly. "I. Do. Not. Blame. You," she told him, separating each world with another kiss. He returned the last kiss and she smiled against his lips before trailing her own back down to his chest and tucking her head in beneath his chin.

"_Night,_ Denny."

"…Goodnight, Maria."

-

The nameless club manager had a quick death- No matter that he was wanted in for questioning, nor that he was due a very long sentence in prison… The moment Roy hit the ground, Riza shoot him straight through the head. Despite her shaking hands, it was a perfect shot.

She fell to her knees, tears pouring out freely as she reached instinctively for his pulse point. Check. Riza shivered, though she was really quite warm. '_I need to call someone,'_ she told herself determinedly. _'I need to call someone to help him…' _But her mind was just in such a state of panic that the simple statement meant nothing to her.

'_I need…'_

'_Roy was shot.'_

'…_To call someone…'_

'_Roy was shot because he came in to protect you.'_

'_I need to find help for him…'_

'_Roy. Dead. Roy... Dead.'_

'_No… What I need to do… What I need to do is…'_

'…_Because of you.'_

'_Need to…'_

'_Your fault.'_

'_Need…'_

'_Dead.'_

'_Need…'_

'_Him.'_

'_How nearby are Havoc and Breda…? I need to find…'_

'_Dead.'_

'_No. I just need to find…'_

'_Dying.'_

'…_No.'_

'_You hesitated.'_

'…'

'_Because you know it's true.'_

Riza's teary eyes flickered over to the gun she had used to shoot the club's manager a few moments before. Her hand closed around it slowly. Subconsciously, she stroked the trigger with her index finger.

'_No. I can't make everyone go through that again.'_

'_What is there for you to do on this earth now that he's lying dead in front of you? What's the point?'_

'…_For my friends.'_

'_Is it enough? Can they take away the guilt of knowing that you killed the only man you ever loved?'_

The gun trailed up over her pale skin, pausing at her chest and burrowing into the valley between her supple breasts.

'_No…'_

'_There's no one to stop you this time- You can die a nice clean death and be with him again…'_

'_He's not dead yet.'_

'_Don't you remember the silence? Remember the silence you were longing for? Your love for him was an unnecessary complication but you couldn't let it go. That's why you're both here today.'_

'…'

'_Because you loved him.'_

The trigger slid back and was released.

_**Bang**_

'_You'll see him again soon. He's waiting at the gate.'_

'_But I want… want to live…'_

There was no reply. As the lovers' red blood mingled, Riza Hawkeye finally got the silence she had been craving.


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Riza opened her eyes slowly. Her memories were vague –fuzzy- but she still remembered.

"Riza!"

Maria was leaning over her, tears in her eyes and Denny Brosh was standing behind her, smiling.

"So you're finally up."

"Yes," said Riza in her usual monotone- a magnificent achievement really, considering her condition. "How long have I been out?"

"A bundle of days?" Maria looked to Denny for confirmation. "This is the fifth, right?"

Denny agreed.

"We've all been so worried about you, Riza! But, guess what! We've heard back from the labs about Jaade sample we sent over- the one we found in your holster- and they were able to devise an anti-toxin-type-thing! It should be flushing out of your system as we speak!!"

"You administered untested drugs on me while I was sleeping?" Riza clarified, frowning deeply.

"Oh my God! Riza, you're back!!" Maria cried, hugging her friend tight and almost banging her in the head with her cast as she did so.

"Ouch. _Yes_, I _am_. Wait… yes. I suppose I am." She looked surprised at this. "It's finally over… but wait- what happened to Colonel Mustang? Is he here?"

Maria's face fell and Denny answered for her. "He still hasn't woken up yet."

Riza made her decision in an instant, standing up sharply and heading for the door.

"_Riza?!_"

"Which room is he in, Maria?"

"O-one-oh-two, but-!"

"I'm going to see him."

The door slammed shut behind her and Maria and Denny exchanged worried glances before going after her.

"Be realistic, Riza! You're not well enough to be walking about!" Maria yelled after her but she was ignored.

Riza opened the door to room one-oh-two and shut it behind her.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hana, wasn't it?" said Riza, frowning at the young woman sitting at Roy's bedside.

"That's right."

"Your sister is looking for you- you should go."

Hana scowled and left, leaving Riza to move into her place and trust that Maria and Denny would keep her away when they met in the halls.

"God, Roy…"

"Is Lieutenant Ross' scary little sister gone yet?"

"Sir, you're awake!" Riza exclaimed, leaning back in surprise.

"Yeah," said Roy, opening his eyes and grinning slightly. "But I really had no desire to talk to that bitch."

Riza might have defended her if she didn't agree so strongly. "She is a little… predatory."

"That's putting it mildly," Roy chuckled.

"Are you feeling okay? Would you like me to call the nurse?"

"I'm fine," said Roy, then his tone darkened. "So tell me- is it true that you shot yourself again?" She didn't reply. "Riza?"

"…It's over now so don't worry, sir."

"Too late, I'm worried."

Riza sighed softly. "Yes, it's true, sir."

Roy sat up, shaking his head sadly.

"It's over, sir."

"…Over?" Roy repeated disbelievingly. "'Over' as in _'over'_? The drug's out of your system?"

"Yes, I believe that it should be," Riza confirmed.

"And… And do you still…?"

"Yes, Roy. I'm still in love with you- that's what you meant, isn't it?"

Roy smiled widely, nodding. "Yeah… No more fears?"

"No more fears," Riza agreed and she leaned forward to kiss him briefly.

"I'm glad-"

The door opened at that moment and Roy and Riza were forced to pull away hastily.

"A little birdie told me that I'd find you here, Riza" the general chortled happily. "I'm glad to see that you're both recovering."

"Thank you, Grandfather," said Riza standing up to kiss him on the cheek dutifully as Roy saluted beside her.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," said Grumman, referring to Roy's salute. "We're practically family, after all!"

"Uh, yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

Grumman let out a small huff of amusement. "Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were both doing… and drop this off." He reached into his pocket and handed Roy a small box, grinning widely. "I took the liberty of removing it from the clothes you were wearing when you were admitted to the hospital."

"Uhh… Thank you, sir," said Roy, coughing nervously as he closed his hand around the ring box.

Grumman just winked and left, leaving Roy to attempt to tuck it away before Riza had a chance to see it… but it was too late.

"Roy, what was that?" she asked quietly but firmly.

Roy removed it from under the covers sheepishly and opened it. "Your grandmother's wedding ring," he told her –needlessly, of course, since she had instantly recognized it. "It was General Grumman's request that when I ask you to marry me, I give you this. He said that it would mean a lot to you."

Riza gazed down at it with a mixture of awe and frustration. "You asked my grandfather permission to marry me because you asked _me_?"

Roy shook his head quickly. "No! He just-! He just-!"

Riza searched his panicked face carefully and then she chuckled. "I understand. He just knew."

"Yeah," said Roy, exhaling heavily in relief.

"I'll have to ask him about his sources someday, but for now… just… Yes. Yes, Roy Mustang."

It took him a minute or two to realise what she was talking about, but when he did he paled considerably. "But this isn't how I meant to-!! There was- There was a dinner! And a restaurant, and a walk in the park, and violins and moonlight and-!!"

"I don't care," said Riza firmly. "I love you- do you love me?"

"Of course I do, but-!"

"Then I'll marry you."

Seeing from the look on her face that she was serious, Roy let it go and grinned widely, giving her a quick kiss before taking the ring out of the box and putting it on her finger. She smiled reassuringly as she felt his hands shaking and kissed him back.

"Thank you, Roy- for taking care of me when I was …ill… and for being there when I needed you."

"A couple of months is poor repayment for the number of times you've saved my pathetic ass over the past ten-fifteen years," Roy replied easily and he met her in a passionate embrace…

-Meanwhile, outside-

"Do you think there's something wrong with that old man, Lili?" a nurse whispered in a hushed tone.

"Maybe he's escaped from the psychiatric ward…?" her companion replied.

"Should we call someone?"

"You idiots! That's Lieutenant General Grumman!" a third nurse scolded them both in a whisper.

"_Him?!_"

"But he's _loopy_, Natalya!"

The three nurses cocked their heads to the side slightly and watched, transfixed, as the greying military official danced around the courtyard gaily.

"IIIIIIII'M GETTING MEEEE SOME **GRANDKIDS**!!"

-

The End!!

-

_**AN. Thanks to all of my beloved fans!! You guys rock! This last chapter dedicated to my best buddy Sierra!**_


	21. Author's Note

_**An//. Hi there! Just letting y'all know that after my exams are over with, you can expect a sequel to 'The Hawk's Eyes'. I put this summary up just in case you were interested. -Rissy**_

Title: For The Love Of A Child

Subject: Fullmetal Alchemist

Shipping: Royai

Summary: An anonymous caller to the Central City HQ claims that the Jaade drug Riza was forcibly administered with two years ago was given to her during a routine check up at the military infirmary. It claims that the thousands of soldiers who are expecting to be vaccinated against smallpox in the coming months will be forced through the same ordeal and that an elite terrorist group is making plans to steal the only available treatment from Lab 9. Out of a sense of justice, and not wanting anyone else to go through what she had to, Riza volunteers herself to spearhead the investigation into these claims. Little does anyone know that HQ isn't the only place the anonymous caller tagged. In actual fact, a second -much more personal- threat was made to Mustang and Hawkeye's home while the former was out- one concerning the safety of their beautiful one-year-old daughter, Niamh.


End file.
